Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

If you’ve been in spiritual circles for any amount of time, you’ve likely heard some form of the idea that we create our reality, and we manifest our experiences, and as such, we must take responsibility for ourselves and our experiences in order to create the outcomes we desire.

This concept becomes dangerously twisted, however, when applied to victims of abuse such as sexual harassment, sexual abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, rape, and systemic oppression. That doesn’t stop many well-meaning spiritual people from using it to dismiss and otherwise invalidate the very real experiences of abuse victims. I’ve come across some form of it a lot over the course of my spiritual development, particularly in the early stages, including touting it as channeled information from spirit guides, etc.

At the time, I wasn’t educated enough on the subject to know better, and I took the word of psychics and channelers. Having had many years to grow in understanding and develop spiritually, I now realize how this is an over-simplification and only serves to damage and shame victims of abuse.

Some of the forms of this message have been:

  • Your souls contracted for this experience.
  • Your thoughts create your reality, therefore, your victim mentality created this situation.
  • There’s an energy exchange between abuser and the abused, and if the abused wasn’t putting out that kind of energy they wouldn’t attract this experience.

I’d like to break each one of these down and explain why this is misunderstood and damaging.

“Your souls contracted for this experience”

If soul contracts in these situations are such a thing, then the ONLY purpose I can see for them is that it is a contract to bring light to these dynamics so that they can be healed and ended. That does NOT mean that we simply dismiss it as “well you signed up for this” and forget about it. It means that it’s a contract between YOU and the people involved as well, and THEIR dynamic is meant to teach YOU empathy and what it means to protect the vulnerable.

“Your thoughts create your reality, therefore, your victim mentality created this situation”

As I’ve said before… a victim mentality only exists when the abuse is imaginary… but victim mentalities are often rooted in real trauma and abuse. In that case, we must go back to the source. A person’s first experience with abuse can never be the result of their own thoughts because the experience has never entered into their awareness.

Abusive experiences and patterns are ALMOST ALWAYS ancestral, handed down from one generation and inflicted onto the next. By simply incarnating into that ancestral line, one will experience that abuse. This, you might call a soul contract. But soul contracts are not only experiences, they are opportunities to heal. As an observer of that contract, you become a part of the collective contract and you are offered an opportunity to heal group karma that enables abusers through rape culture, systemic racism, and other destructive social climates.

By telling someone that they manifested their abuse, you are absolving the abuser of accountability, and thus AIDING in the manifestation of that experience.

“There’s an energy exchange between abuser and the abused, and if the the abused wasn’t putting out that kind of energy they wouldn’t attract this experience”

With regard to there being an energy exchange between abuser and the abused – what this really means is boundaries.

People can only abuse you if you continue to allow it, and often times that requires learning to uphold and maintain healthy boundaries. But many times, power dynamics make upholding boundaries extremely difficult. It’s called abuse because the person or group who has the the most power is using that power to abuse a person or group who has less of it. This, too, is ancestral, because the only way a person or group obtains more power than another is by accumulating it over time (the only exception being a parent/child dynamic in which case it exists from the moment the child is born).

Who allowed that person to accumulate that power, unchecked?

Who continues to enable them to wield that power without consequence?

The answer is the collective. The family members who don’t speak up or step in. The friends who never say anything. The “good” cops who don’t report the bad cops. The people who say “boys will be boys.” The well-to-do family who protects their sons and daughters from the consequences of their actions. 

All of the people who see this abuse taking place and say nothing? They are just as responsible, because they allow abusers to avoid being held accountable.

You can’t tell someone that they’ve manifested their own oppression or abuse without pointing the finger at yourself for being a part of the collective that allowed it to happen.

So… let’s shut this toxic shit down wherever we see it. Okay?

Recognizing and Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns

Recognizing and Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns

Recognizing and Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns

Question from a reader:

If we meet our partners as a way to see ourselves through them and learn, how is it that you break up with someone because you don’t feel like being with them anymore?

Of course there are still things I haven’t learned so I am going to meet another person that is still going to teach me what the other person couldn’t. Should I keep trying to learn things from the first person? Why do they seem to always appear again? Does that mean something?

All relationships reflect back to us parts of ourselves. Sometimes ugly parts. Sometimes beautiful parts. Sometimes it brings out aspects of yourself you never knew existed. They’re all opportunities to know ourselves a little more, reflected through another.

Some relationships – karmic ones – are meant to give you very specific experiences that you’ve been working to heal through across lifetimes with that same soul. Others are just reflecting back to you patterns that were created in this lifetime.

You’ll always know a karmic relationship, because it’s not something you’re going to be able to shake easily. The allure will be irresistible. The chemistry palpable. It’ll be really, really good, or really, really bad. There’s no in between, you’re going to have strong emotions in one direction or the other – maybe even both.

Karmic Patterns

With karmic relationships, we often attract partners who feed our imbalances. For example, a person with a history of codependent care-taking will be drawn to partners who “need” them in some way. For men, it’s typically partners who require financial support or otherwise look to them as someone who can provide. For women, it’s often wounded men. The allure of the relationship is that, at least initially, it feels good to give. It validates a need within both partners – for the caretaker, the need to feel needed. For the one being taken care of, the filling of the void.

Eventually, the caretakers often give more than they receive in the relationship and end up feeling drained and resentful of their less capable partners. This pattern plays out over and over until one or both parties recognizes that their habits are not the result of love, but rather, a lack of self-love and seeking validation from an outside source.

Sometimes you break up because you learn all the lessons that relationship has to offer you – you recognize your karmic patterns and step into your true power. Sometimes you break up because one of you outgrows the lesson and one of you doesn’t, and needs to keep repeating it. Another person will come along to fill that role while you move on to something new and your partner remains trapped in a karmic feedback loop with the universe serving them the same shit sandwich they ate the day before, repeating the same mistakes over and over with a new person who holds the same fundamental energetic framework as the last person, but with a pretty new face and storyline.

Breaking The Repetition 

Becoming aware of your patterns is one thing – actively working to maintain that awareness in any given situation, understand what it’s showing you about yourself, and healing that is wholly another.

The biggest mistake I often see people make is thinking that simply because they became aware of the pattern that they won’t repeat it, or that they can somehow work through that pattern while maintaining a relationship with another person who is reflective of it.

The reality of the situation is that either both of you choose to grow, or you go your separate ways. There’s no in between, and the longer you cling to the attachment, the more suffering it creates. Eventually the universe bulldozes obstacles out of your life, one way or another.

Never stick around in a stagnant relationship. You’re going to know, in your heart, when it’s time to go. The tricky part is that sometimes “leaving” is a part of our pattern and we do it because we fear intimacy or commitment, or some other aspect of the relationship. Other times, clinging to it is part of our pattern. In either case, it’s going to keep happening again and again until you confront it and choose something different. Same story, different character.

The Universe is likes to give us little tests to see if we’re really committed to ourselves, our healing, and are ready to move forward. Will you slip back into old patterns? Or will you choose something different?

Breaking Down Psychic Abilities

Breaking Down Psychic Abilities

Breaking Down Psychic Abilities

A friend texted me one morning not too long ago to ask, “What’s the difference between psychic, intuition and clairvoyant? Aren’t all the clairs forms of psychic abilities?”

I experience confusion about what constitutes various psychic abilities among the laypeople on a pretty regular basis, so I’m going to break it down for you here, thoroughly:

A psychic is a person who consciously utilizes their intuition. Psychic abilities are intuitive abilities. Some people argue that there’s a difference. I don’t think there is – it just exists on a spectrum. A lot of people will label the lower, less conscious end of the spectrum as intuitive and the higher, more conscious end as psychic. Additionally, some people prefer to label themselves as intuitives because there’s less of a stigma associated with it than there is to the word “psychic.”

Psychic Abilities: Types of Clairs

CLAIRVOYANCE is but one modality of psychic abilities – clear seeing. This can manifest as “visions” (for lack of a less loaded term) which you may see either in your mind or with your physical vision, the latter of which tends to be more rare.

You can think of different psychic modalities like different languages, and clairvoyance is most often the most symbolic of them, depending on the situation. It can look like watching a scene play out in front of you or it can look like symbols, numbers, words, etc. Dreaming, in a way, is a form of clairvoyance.

CLAIRAUDIENCE is clear hearing. This is almost never like having a phone conversation with someone, at least not in my personal experience. It’s more like hearing words and phrases, and the occasional full on sentence in your head, and sometimes physically.

CLAIRCOGNIZANCE is clear knowing (intuitive downloads – you just “know” things or have ideas, thoughts, or abstract concepts that pop into your head), and CLAIRSENTIENCE is clear feeling – i.e. physically feeling energy as well as emotions (a.k.a. empath). This can also include phantom tastes and smells, and the feeling of phantom physical sensations such as touch, or it may involve taking on the physical symptoms of another person such as headaches, nausea, body aches and pains, lethargy, etc.

***It’s important to note that this is not the ONLY reason why an individual may experience phantom sensations, simply one possible reason.

For me, claircognizance and clairsentience are very connected because the concepts that you just “know” often have a subtle energetic signature associated with them that I can feel and I have to feel into what’s being downloaded in order to put it into words.

Much in the way that I said clairaudience isn’t like picking up the phone and talking to someone, having a “conversation” in my head with spirit is not exactly like sitting in a room and talking to another person. It’s more like hearing words accompanied by some type of visual and/or feeling (and that feeling could be the knowing type or the emotional type).

The whole process is akin to picking up subtle, abstract sensory input and piecing it together in a way that makes sense, logically, without totally overthinking it. Or, to use the language analogy I mentioned earlier – it’s like looking at wingdings while hearing someone speaking a few Spanish words that you know, but understanding the whole thing in English and then having your body respond like, “That’s correct.” That feeling may be felt suddenly – like the sensation you have when you recognize something, or perhaps the feeling associated with clarity or an epiphany – or it may feel more like a deep knowing such as the sensation associated with certainty.

Most people tend to have one or two predominant clairs. I seem to experience them all equally these days.


Now, let us demystify all the ways that people can USE these modalities of psychic abilities.

I already stated one of them, which was the…

EMPATH – a person who feels subtle energies and many times, the emotions of others. Empaths tend to be straight clairsentient, sometimes with a dash of HSP (Highly Sensitive Person).

MEDIUM – A person who can sense spirits. A medium may use any of the aforementioned clairs in any combination. They are referred to as a ‘medium’ because they are an intermediary between a noncorporeal entity and a corporeal entity. As an aside, a noncorporeal entity doesn’t necessarily have to equate to the spirit of someone who has died. You can also communicate with the higher self of incarnate people, plants, animals, and a whole slew of interdimensional beings that would probably stretch your mind a bit too much for today’s purposes.

PRECOGNITION – When one uses these abilities to sense an energetic trajectory and predict where it may or may not lead. I could probably write an entire post on the nuances involved in precognition, but I’ll save it for another day.

REMOTE VIEWING – (Typically) purely clairvoyant in nature, although a person practicing remote viewing may use other psychic senses to inform what they are seeing.

PSYCHOMETRY – The practice of feeling the energy that has been left on or programmed into physical objects. This practice may utilize all clairs.

CHANNELING – The practice of opening yourself up to allow one of those aforementioned noncorporeal beings to communicate THROUGH you rather than just TO you. This is different in that there’s less of a logical processing of information which means less of your ego (personal ideologies and beliefs) gets rubbed all over it. Typically manifests as more claircognizance than anything else.

AUTOMATIC WRITING – Automatic writing can be a form of channeling that comes out in written format rather than spoken format. For me, personally, I tend to be able to sort of tap into a certain energy while writing where things just flow without me putting much thought into it. This is once again more claircognizance than anything else.

TELEPATHY – Most people are pretty familiar with what telepathy is: the mind-to-mind communication between two people. Telepathy can manifest through clairaudience (which is how most people imagine it to be like) but also through clairvoyance and claircognizance.

This is really just scratching the surface. It only gets weirder from here.


Lastly, I will leave you with this:

Everyone…EVERYONE…possesses these subtle senses we call psychic abilities. You are born with them, just as you are born with the ability to taste, touch, feel, smell and hear.

Therefore, psychic development is not the development of these abilities. It is the cultivation of your AWARENESS of these senses.

Because of their subtle nature, we often ignore them much like we ignore emotions and unpleasant thoughts associated with our shadow selves.

This is why many people experience heightened intuition and increased psychic experiences as they go through the process of healing and integration – they are cultivating self-awareness.

Hope you found this informative.

Can You Experience Clairaudience If You Are Deaf?

Can You Experience Clairaudience If You Are Deaf?

Can You Experience Clairaudience If You Are Deaf?

Question from a reader:

“I’m Jessi and I was born profoundly deaf. Since my empath awakening this year, my ‘Hum’ since 1998 turned into hums, tics, beats patterns and melodies. I recognise a low voice and a childlike song voice. I am pretty sure I heard my name, ‘JESS,’ twice. The childlike keeps singing the same unrecognisable song. Melodies come and go and I need to figure out how to understand them when my brain has never been used for actual listening, as I use sign language. But the Hum and ticking is constant. The sounds I’m hearing is so busy and overlapping. I can decipher layers of different frequencies. Am I hearing the frequencies of earth and orbs, the UFO’s? (I captured thousands of orbs on my camera last night which got me thinking, my yard is FULL of them particularly our peach tree.) Does clairaudiency only apply to actual communications and songs? I do have instinctual conversations in my mind which I try to control, so I know this is different. It’s rather interfering during meditation when I just don’t understand a word!”

I really love this question for so many reasons, mainly because of all the implications. One of the most common questions I get about clairaudience and intuition in general is, “How do I tell the difference between that and my own thoughts?”

It’s different for you, I imagine, because you’re not used to sounds and voices in the same way that others are, so if and when you actually do “hear” something in your mind, it must be exceptionally noticeable!

I’m also fascinated by this because the very last resort for spirit to communicate is actual words. It prefers less limiting forms of communication such as symbolism, but in your case, vibrational frequency may be more easily felt and recognized, internally, because you’re somewhat less bombarded by external stimuli.

Personally, I’m extremely sensitive to noise pollution (as well as light/visual stimuli) and I know I’m not alone in that. It makes it very difficult to concentrate and process what’s going on, internally, much less externally. In a way, I’d guess that you’re able to tune in much more easily.

They say that when you lose one of our senses, the others become heightened. I can’t help but think that your intuition would be as well, as it is your “sixth sense,” so to speak. Of course, it’s a muscle that needs to be flexed and exercised to grow stronger, but you have a bit more energy to put toward it and use it to fill in the gap of the sense you lost.

Intuitively, your assessment that the hum and tics is earth’s frequency feels correct, and perhaps the added layers are universal in nature. The voices and songs feel like guides and/or angelic realm frequencies.

I think the same tip applies here as does to regular clairaudience when you hear a high pitched frequency or tone – it carries data that will be stored in your subconscious mind. You don’t necessarily need to interpret it right away, it will surface when the timing is right, so don’t worry about trying to figure out what it means. You’ll gain an understanding of it eventually, without having to work at it. Other understandings will trigger it, like a key or sort of domino effect.

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

Every adventure requires a first step.- The Cheshire Cat

I guess I’m going through some major energetic and psychological adjustments. I mean, that’s to be expected when you basically chuck your life as you know it into the fuck it bucket and completely start over, but the last few days I have felt very bizarre. Life doesn’t feel real. That feeling comes and goes, but it lingers a lot longer than it ever used to.

I think the biggest thing that’s throwing me for a loop is just not knowing… anything. For the last seven years of my life, I’ve known exactly what to expect from day to day and for a Virgo like me, that sort of stability is what keeps me sane. But now? I’m just treading water. There’s also this element of having worked toward this thing for the last six months (moving) and now that I’m here, I’m like, “Now what?”

Everyone I talk to tells me how brave they think I am, how they wish they had the balls to do the same thing. I’m not going to lie, and I never have when talking about this – it was scary as fuck. It’s still scary, sometimes. But mostly, right now, it just feels strange. Strange in a good way.

I keep telling people I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Everything is new and different. I feel new and different. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel like I’m free again – maybe a little too free for my Virgoan taste. It’s strange being around people who not only know nothing about me, but have no context about where I came from. It almost makes me laugh a little, because I think I may be being underestimated, just a tad.

In a lot of ways, this place is the total opposite of what I’ve known my entire life. And I like it. It’s just all so new and so strange. I suppose I’ll adjust at some point. In the meantime, I’ll just keep feeling like Alice.

Side note: I’m recording a podcast interview with Slade Roberson of Shift Your Spirits this Friday! Keep your eyes peeled for when it’s posted.


Question from a reader:

“I have recently started wanting to know my spirit guide(s). Whenever I listen to meditation tapes to do that, I am able to relax fully and become open but I also become quite cold. I am currently in a hot climate and even when I listen under a duvet I still become cold. Do you know why?”

Ahat’s interesting. I know certain metaphysical activities definitely have an effect on my own body temperature. I did a past life regression hypnosis session a while back (you can read about it here) and during that experience, I had the opposite thing happen. I got really hot. It was almost like energy was moving through my body, like an electrical conduit and I got very warm.

 

Afterward, I almost felt like I had a hangover. My head was swimmy and I got a massive headache. But baby did I sleep well for the rest of the week…

I’ll admit it – I know a lot of shit. Sometimes things just come out of my mouth that I didn’t even know I knew, but I don’t know the definitive answer to your question. I can hypothesize, though.

Part of me wonders if somehow when you’re opening up, you’re not maintaining your own energy and it’s being diluted, and you feel that as a cold sensation. Try setting an intention to retain that while you’re going through your typical ritual and see if it helps at all.

Can You Experience Clairaudience If You Are Deaf?

Identifying Your Psychic Abilities

Identifying Your Psychic Abilities

Question from a reader:

“I’ve been told I’m gifted, I’m a natural healer, which I’m accepting, but I’m confused. I can see in the back of my head a person crossed over or Angel or Ancient. The faces are never clear, but they will give me information to pass onto someone relevant. It’s usually short and quick. So far it’s been correct every time, but I don’t know what this is or why it randomly occurs with me. I’m never shown my own guides even when constantly asking. Is this telepathy? I also tend to know stuff without knowing why and or how, etc., but it’s always correct. I keep getting told I’m gifted. I’m always self doubting as it’s intermittent and comes from out of the blue. I want to open up further but it’s all over the place.”

What you’re describing is a combination of psychic abilities including clairaudience, claircognizance, clairvoyance and mediumship. And it’s perfectly normal for these types of things to occur sporadically, especially when you’re in development.

Any communication by thought is technically telepathy, so you could categorize any and all spirit communication as telepathy since that how it all occurs. But we tend to label that as channeling, instead, and refer to telepathy as something that happens between two living beings.

I’ve written a gazillion posts on psychic development that you can browse through on my blog describing ways to recognize intuition, develop it, etc. My greatest piece of advice here is to just allow it to happen naturally when and where it wants to instead of attempting to force it. Eventually, you’ll get into a groove and it will come when you need it to, instead of completely sporadically.

You should also learn to recognize patterns in how and when it’s occurring. My guess is that it happens frequently when you’re in states of consciousness that are more so on autopilot than when you’re highly alert.

You can read more about that in this blog post.

Pin It on Pinterest