Why Do We Need Boundaries?

Question from a reader:

“If we’re all one, how can we have boundaries? I’ve found that I struggle quite a bit with feeling like I “owe” certain things to the world, and that it is not my “right” to say “no.” I’ve also heard the Universe doesn’t hear “no,” and so it almost seems pointless to draw a line and say, “here’s my boundary.” I know instinctively this isn’t quite right–we should all have the right to say no–but if you have any additional perspective or explanation on this, that would be amazing! I feel like I need to rationalize it somehow but I’m not quite sure how yet. I’ve noticed a trend in my life where I attract some people (friends or otherwise) who violate those boundaries, and who sort of “walk all over me.” And I’m trying to figure out how to stop the cycle.”

First we have to distinguish what we’re talking about: energetic boundaries or physical boundaries? Energetically speaking, it’s true. We are all one, so the concept that we can be energetically separate from another human being (or animal, or plant, or the planet, for that matter) is actually impossible.

Energy flows like the ocean, and so does consciousness. Some of that water might be colder and some of it might be warmer, but it’s still all a drop in the same ocean, and that’s why I don’t put a whole lot of emphasis behind the concept of negative entity attachments, psychic attack, etc. 

Physically speaking, we are separate beings. That was the whole intention and purpose of incarnation: to create the illusion of separation so that we could have individual experiences.

What we view as healthy boundaries, we create precisely because we are all one. Think of it this way: the people in your life act as mirrors to reflect back to you certain things about yourself. Those people are, in a spiritual way, extensions of yourself, and as such, they behave toward you in ways that behave toward yourself. If you’re walking around under the belief that you have no right to say no, you’re not thinking very highly of yourself and that’s the experience that you allow into your life. That’s the statement of who you are that you’re telling yourself.

When you have a higher appreciation for yourself as the magnificent, powerful, creative being that you are, then you’re naturally going to create an existence that reflects that. What we perceive as healthy boundaries are simply a byproduct of living in a loving vibration toward ourselves.

What you are currently seeing as a separation, is actually the opposite. You’re actually embracing the all of you, including your own responsibility for the life and the people that you allow around you. The minute you start setting healthy boundaries, people who don’t respect healthy boundaries are going to be repelled from your life, either because they get mad at you for setting boundaries and leave, or because you’ll give them the boot them yourself. You won’t tolerate any of them in your life in the future, and you no longer attract people who mirror that experience back to you because you no longer hold the belief that you have no right to say no.

Feeling like you owe things to the world is really owing things to yourself. If you begin to look at every person in the world as an extension of yourself, and then translate what you believe you should give to them as something you need to give to yourself, you’ll begin to recognize things much more clearly.

I’ve made similar assertions to the notion of needing psychic protection from negative entities. These things, too, are a part of the “all” of which you are. As such, they are aspects of yourself, reflecting back to you beliefs and attitudes you hold about yourself. The only “protection” you need is to love yourself unconditionally.

Thanks for being here,



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