Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

If you’ve been in spiritual circles for any amount of time, you’ve likely heard some form of the idea that we create our reality, and we manifest our experiences, and as such, we must take responsibility for ourselves and our experiences in order to create the outcomes we desire.

This concept becomes dangerously twisted, however, when applied to victims of abuse such as sexual harassment, sexual abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, rape, and systemic oppression. That doesn’t stop many well-meaning spiritual people from using it to dismiss and otherwise invalidate the very real experiences of abuse victims. I’ve come across some form of it a lot over the course of my spiritual development, particularly in the early stages, including touting it as channeled information from spirit guides, etc.

At the time, I wasn’t educated enough on the subject to know better, and I took the word of psychics and channelers. Having had many years to grow in understanding and develop spiritually, I now realize how this is an over-simplification and only serves to damage and shame victims of abuse.

Some of the forms of this message have been:

  • Your souls contracted for this experience.
  • Your thoughts create your reality, therefore, your victim mentality created this situation.
  • There’s an energy exchange between abuser and the abused, and if the abused wasn’t putting out that kind of energy they wouldn’t attract this experience.

I’d like to break each one of these down and explain why this is misunderstood and damaging.

“Your souls contracted for this experience”

If soul contracts in these situations are such a thing, then the ONLY purpose I can see for them is that it is a contract to bring light to these dynamics so that they can be healed and ended. That does NOT mean that we simply dismiss it as “well you signed up for this” and forget about it. It means that it’s a contract between YOU and the people involved as well, and THEIR dynamic is meant to teach YOU empathy and what it means to protect the vulnerable.

“Your thoughts create your reality, therefore, your victim mentality created this situation”

As I’ve said before… a victim mentality only exists when the abuse is imaginary… but victim mentalities are often rooted in real trauma and abuse. In that case, we must go back to the source. A person’s first experience with abuse can never be the result of their own thoughts because the experience has never entered into their awareness.

Abusive experiences and patterns are ALMOST ALWAYS ancestral, handed down from one generation and inflicted onto the next. By simply incarnating into that ancestral line, one will experience that abuse. This, you might call a soul contract. But soul contracts are not only experiences, they are opportunities to heal. As an observer of that contract, you become a part of the collective contract and you are offered an opportunity to heal group karma that enables abusers through rape culture, systemic racism, and other destructive social climates.

By telling someone that they manifested their abuse, you are absolving the abuser of accountability, and thus AIDING in the manifestation of that experience.

“There’s an energy exchange between abuser and the abused, and if the the abused wasn’t putting out that kind of energy they wouldn’t attract this experience”

With regard to there being an energy exchange between abuser and the abused – what this really means is boundaries.

People can only abuse you if you continue to allow it, and often times that requires learning to uphold and maintain healthy boundaries. But many times, power dynamics make upholding boundaries extremely difficult. It’s called abuse because the person or group who has the the most power is using that power to abuse a person or group who has less of it. This, too, is ancestral, because the only way a person or group obtains more power than another is by accumulating it over time (the only exception being a parent/child dynamic in which case it exists from the moment the child is born).

Who allowed that person to accumulate that power, unchecked?

Who continues to enable them to wield that power without consequence?

The answer is the collective. The family members who don’t speak up or step in. The friends who never say anything. The “good” cops who don’t report the bad cops. The people who say “boys will be boys.” The well-to-do family who protects their sons and daughters from the consequences of their actions. 

All of the people who see this abuse taking place and say nothing? They are just as responsible, because they allow abusers to avoid being held accountable.

You can’t tell someone that they’ve manifested their own oppression or abuse without pointing the finger at yourself for being a part of the collective that allowed it to happen.

So… let’s shut this toxic shit down wherever we see it. Okay?

The Most Important Work You Will Ever Do

The Most Important Work You Will Ever Do

The Most Important Work You Will Ever Do

I think the root of all of the worlds problems are pretty obvious. Sure, it’s layered and multi-faceted, but there’s always a root problem that enables another problem layered on top of that which enables another problem layered on top of that.

Our root problem is that we believe in the illusion that there is a lack of love (fear), and we then act from that belief.

The mechanism which enables that belief is patriarchy.

Patriarchy is the suppression of the divine feminine essence within each of us (and as a consequence, the feminine bodies around us).

The feminine is our emotions, our empathy, our intuition, and our connection to the divine. Without the feminine, we would not be able to know, feel, or recognize that we are all connected, and that we are all one with the greater force of the universe which is Love.

We have created a culture where the feminine essence is shunned and suppressed, especially within men. When the connection to the feminine essence is severed, it creates a deep core wound. And then those men (and many times women as well), cut off from their connection with universal Love and operating from that core wound, perpetrate acts of violence and oppression, whether overt and obvious or subtle and insidious, as a means to control and dominate others (toxic masculinity).

When we talk about the rise of the divine feminine, we aren’t talking about female bodies. We’re talking about the feminine essence in all of us – a reconnection to our emotions, our empathy, our intuition, and our divine selves.

Only with this counterbalance can the masculine essence be recalibrated to its true purpose, which is to protect the vulnerable, not control them, dismiss them, or otherwise disempower them.

Each of us can only reconnect with our feminine essence if and when we participate in the work of examining our shadow (our ego) and unlearn all of the negative cultural and ancestral programming that we have operated from, participated in, and enabled in our society at large and HEAL the core wound, which we would experience on a personal level as an ego death. The process of an ego death is what we call a dark night of the soul.

We have to look at how this plays out on an individual level as well as within group collectives (because one enables the other, thus creating a mirror effect).

“The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our own shadow onto others.” – Carl Jung

Shadow work is THE work.

Do Not Look Away

Do Not Look Away

Do Not Look Away

This post is going to make a lot of people uncomfortable. Truth be told, it’s meant to make you feel uncomfortable. As spiritual people on a healing journey, learning to recognize our discomfort and sit with it, examine it, find the root of it, and heal it is what we call “the work” of examining our shadow.

Shadow work was never meant to be easy. It was never meant to be comfortable. It is messy and painful and sometimes, downright ugly.

Any strong emotional reaction you have to what I’m about to say is indicative of something unhealed within you that needs to be addressed, and it’s calling you to look at it, sit with it, and to not look away until you’ve come face-to-face with it in the mirror of your reality.

I ran a little social experiment in a Facebook group years ago that literally proved that it was almost impossible for the majority of people to do this. I posted this blog post in the group and asked people to do the exercise contained therein, and to comment not with their opinion about the article, but with what types of emotions were arising within them as they read it.

Nearly every single commenter failed. They immediately launched into their defense mechanisms, commenting with their beliefs and opinions about the article rather than paying attention to what was happening within them, emotionally. Even with further instruction and guidance, many of them continued to react from their subconscious programming.

So here I am, six years later, writing yet another post which is going to challenge you to sit through your discomfort and refrain from reacting out of your own wounds. Can you do it without looking away?  Let’s find out.

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BLACK. LIVES. MATTER.

Do not look away. What are you feeling in your body right now?

Did your pulse quicken? Your heart start beating heavier? Your chest get tight? Brow furrow, perhaps? That almost uncontrollable urge to instantly react and tell me that all lives matter? Or perhaps your reaction is to shut down, stop reading, and immediately click away to avoid having to sit with those very physical feelings?

Do not look away.

If your coping mechanism is avoidance, the urge to run from these feelings is probably going to win out. You’ve most likely already stopped reading.

Do not look away.

The other possible outcome is that you’re already formulating all the arguments in your head to contradict the concept that Black Lives Matter, all of the reasons that justify what you are feeling right now and makes it righteous. This is another type of coping mechanism at work.

DO NOT LOOK AWAY.

Your instant emotional reaction and physiological response to Black Lives Matter is what we call feeling “triggered.” A person becomes triggered when a similar, yet unconnected environmental stimulus causes them to subconsciously recall unresolved emotional wounds from past experiences.

Still here? Still reading? Still able to sit with all of those uncomfortable feelings? Ready to explore them? Good. Let’s dig in.

Every time I write Black Lives Matter, I am intentionally triggering you. But how and why?

More than likely, you believe that acknowledging that black lives matter means that you don’t matter. That somehow, by acknowledging the pain of people of color, that your pain is being ignored. Your own unhealed wound is screaming so loud for acknowledgment and love that you can’t hear, see, or feel the collective pain of an entire group of oppressed people. And so you dismiss their pain or demand that they also acknowledge your wound. You may have wrapped this up in some kind of political rhetoric as a way to justify your feelings, but underneath that justification is your own core wound. Acknowledging that black lives matter somehow, for some reason, makes you feel less than.

In the spiritual community especially, this justification has become wrapped in the flowery language of peace, love, and light… which leads me to–you guessed it–SPIRITUAL BYPASSING.

Spiritual Bypassing: Spiritual Bypassing is a term coined by psychologist Robert Masters to describe the practice of empty spirituality devoid of real personal development. In spiritual bypassing, a person uses over-simplified spirituality to avoid actually doing the internal work to develop real spiritual understanding, often resulting in stunted spiritual growth, repressed emotions, inflated ideas about their own level of enlightenment, and a plethora of other detrimental activities and ideas.

This sort of empty spirituality doesn’t facilitate conscious expansion or enlightenment, but rather feeds one’s own ego and keeps its proponents trapped in the lowest levels of conscious awareness.

Here’s a clear example of using spirituality to bypass:

You cannot heal yourself without sitting with your own discomfort. When you haven’t healed yourself, your gaping wound can block your ability to empathize  with the plight of others, and that aspect of your shadow is reflected back to you in the world around you. In the case of Black Lives Matter, the anger that people feel around black people asking for the acknowledgement of the generational trauma inflicted on them by a biased system stems from feelings of resentment that your own pain hasn’t been acknowledged (and therefore, why the hell should anyone else’s be?).

Acknowledging the collective pain of black people doesn’t invalidate your own pain. That’s you invalidating yourself. That internal invalidation has informed your beliefs about yourself and the world around you. It’s the foundation of how you see the world. It’s informed your politics. It’s informed your actions, which include willfully ignorant blindness to the systemic oppression of people who don’t look like you.

And that, my friend, is how you create your own reality, and how that reality gets reflected back to you–until you heal.

That’s a hard pill to swallow. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a wounded person, blinded by your own pain. You can forgive yourself. You can recognize your wound. You can begin your own healing process, and in that process, you can contribute to healing the world–including the generational trauma of millions of African Americans.

Xo, 

 

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The Most Important Work You Will Ever Do

The Great Awakening

The Great Awakening

If you’ve been into spirituality for any amount of time, you are aware of the terms “awakening” and “ascension.”

By and large, most people define awakening as becoming aware of what is happening in the world around you–the “real” reasons why governments do what they do, social injustices, the horrible state of the world. Being “woke,” as the younger generation would say.

A lot of people believe that a mass awakening means that the sheeple of the world will suddenly become aware of all of these things, unify, and demand change. Except what that change looks like differs starkly depending on which side of the political aisle you fall on, and for as long as we have a division of values, we will never have unity.

This is not what being awake means, and this is not what the great awakening is. Not by a long shot.

How we see the world–how likely we are to empathize with the plight of others, which side of the political spectrum we fall on, and our natural (or nurtured) personality inclinations—is very connected, and to some degree, how that plays out in our daily lives is what collectively creates the conflict in the world around us.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space there is a power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor Frankl

Becoming self aware enough to recognize our own traumas, habits, and patterns, and how those triggers cause us to make certain decisions is what it means to awaken. Becoming aware of how those engrained patterns and beliefs created by outside influences shape the way we think and the choices we make and being able to separate ourselves from them is what it means to truly free thinker.

Our great awakening is when we awaken to ourselves, because the world around us is simply a reflection of that.

I Challenge You

I Challenge You

I Challenge You

The content you read and share on social media at this time will frame your understanding of what’s happening in the world around you, and every single thing can be framed in a fearful way, or in a non-fearful way.

I challenge you, before you click “share” on anything, to ask yourself these questions:

How does reading this headline make me feel?

How does the content of this article make me feel?

What emotion is driving me to want to share this?

What am I feeling in my heart when I read this?

What am I feeling in my stomach when I read this?

If the answer to any of those questions is fear, anxiety, panic, worry, concern, anger, outrage, or some other negative emotion that is rooted in fear, I challenge you to pause and re-think sharing that information.

I would bet that, if a headline incites any of those emotions from you, that’s exactly what it was meant to do, because the person who wrote it knew that you would be more likely to share it.

There are two sides to every story, even the stories playing out right now. People can and do latch onto the most fearful aspects of that story in order to push their own beliefs and agendas–whether or not it’s well meaning!

Some people want to sound an alarm because they are worried that something bad will happen, so they write an article, or record a YouTube video, and tell you all of the bad things that COULD happen because of X,Y, Z. And then people who read that article become worried that very thing could happen, and they share that article or video. The operative word there is “could.” Because it has not happened, and in many instances, there are measures being taken to ensure that it doesn’t, which were conveniently left out of the video or the post, because the purpose of the post wasn’t to actually inform you in a balanced, rational way, it was meant to incite you to action out of fear for the future, and presenting solutions does not help that cause.

We all have a choice in what kind of energy we lend to the situation at hand, and I challenge you to examine yours each and every time you make a Facebook post.

Look back at the things you’ve shared so far and ask yourself the same questions. Then look to see if there is a common theme in the answers. This will give you a very good idea of what type of energy you are living in and operating from right now.

I’ve written before about how the media uses your emotional triggers to further political agendas. This is exactly how people are being manipulated right now. And no, I’m not necessarily or only talking about the media making coronavirus sound scarier than it is, I’m also talking about wide-spread conspiracy theories that are telling you that we’re going to end up in a totalitarian society after this. This is also a fear-based message, it’s just on the other side of the coin. Fear is fear, no matter what color dress you choose to put on it. And reacting from fear is a choice.

This pandemic is real. This pandemic should be taken seriously and not dismissed. But instead of bickering about what we are afraid will happen next, we should see this as an opportunity to evaluate all of the broken systems that have been unveiled through it. We should also be working together and asking ourselves what we can do to help one another while we strive to weather this storm. Spreading fear–however well-intended–is not helpful when it’s all we are surrounded with.

I challenge you to be a light of hope in a time of uncertainty instead of a harbinger of doom.

Spiritual Politics

Spiritual Politics

Spiritual Politics

Many of you know that I have a very conservative, religious upbringing. One of the things that always bothered me about many of the churches I attended growing up was pastors who preached politics. Many of them endorsed political candidates (always the republican candidate) and essentially encouraged their congregations to vote for that candidate, outlining all of the reasons why they were “god’s chosen candidate.”

Since all of this has started happening, I’ve begun to see many alleged spiritual teachers doing and saying the exact same things. And this, once again, rubs me the wrong way.

No true teacher should be telling you who to vote for. They should encourage you to think for yourself. No true teacher should be laying out what you should believe and then say, “But I’ll let you decide for yourself,” because that’s leading the audience.

True spiritual teachers understand that politics is a game that exists within the illusion of duality. Left vs. Right. Republican vs. Democrat. Liberal vs. Conservative. This IS the matrix. As long as one exists, its opposite will rise up to meet it, until we transcend the illusion.

What we are attempting to do here, now, is dismantle the system and build a completely new one. It does not look like capitalism. It does not look like socialism. It does not look like communism. It looks like something completely new that has never existed.

No single person, no political Jesus, is going to swoop in and fix this. That is for US, the PEOPLE to do–not by relying on voting for a person already entrenched in the system who you think will fix it, but by BEING THE CHANGE you want to see. By inhabiting the consciousness that we purport to believe in. By no longer looking outside of ourselves for solutions, but by BEING the solution.

What does that look like?

It looks like community. It looks like reaching out to each other. It looks like supporting one another in times of need in whatever way you can. For example, people are in financial trouble right now, but are offering their services on a pay-what-you-can basis anyway, and those who aren’t in financial trouble giving more to help them, or sending other people who can pay to them, to help keep each other afloat. That’s what community looks like. We don’t do it because we gain from it, we do it because IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE. It looks like an intrinsically-driven system built from the ground up, not a mandated top-down system implemented by a government.

It looks like UNITING with each other and standing in our true power. It looks like creative problem solving at the local level. It looks like grassroots-lead movements. It looks like something completely NEW that we have to build because it doesn’t not yet exist on this planet.

These are all Aquarian themes and we are headed into the age of Aquarius (2023-24) as soon as Pluto is finished laying waste to all of the shadow energy of Capricorn (greed and selfishness in government and economic systems).

We do not need politicians. We need EACH OTHER.

But for as long as we continue to seek solutions externally, and expect someone else to come and save us, we will stay on exactly the same path we’ve been on. Thinking Donald Trump or Joe Biden, or whoever the fuck ends up on the ballots is going to save the world is no different than sitting around and waiting for Jesus to come back or the aliens to land and rescue all of humanity from itself.

If any spiritual leaders are telling you to believe in the system right now, to believe in any political party or candidate, then they are a part of the system. That is OLD PARADIGM AND IT IS DEAD.

This is new paradigm. We are our own saviors. And do not let ANY spiritual teacher tell you otherwise.

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