Let’s Talk About Sex: Part 2
So how do we begin to undo what has been done?
The way to embrace sex as the spiritual experience it can be involves a lot of work. You have to tear down your notions of what sex is – the patriarchal version – and reframe your perspective, rebuilding your philosophy on the cornerstone of true, unconditional love, rather than the ego’s distorted notion of what love is. But that’s the easy part.
The hard part is overcoming your fear of being vulnerable and showing your true self to your partner. Not only baring your naked body, but also your naked soul.
This is a process that requires absolute trust. Trust that this person you are sharing this experience with will receive you, your true self, in unconditional love. It also means that you have to be willing to receive your partner in the same way.
Vulnerability At Its Finest
Vulnerability is our greatest strength and our biggest fear. What is vulnerability, exactly?
Vulnerability is consciously choosing to NOT hide your emotions or desires from others.
It can involve letting someone in who you’ve been keeping at bay and it can also involve standing up for yourself and pushing someone out who has taken your power away.
Vulnerability is uncomfortable, at best, for the vast majority of us, but vulnerability is what allows us to build trust.
What keeps us from being vulnerable is that we’re often waiting for the other person to make the first move and when both of you are waiting for the other, it never happens. Someone has to be the one to step up and offer yourself. Once you do, that lays the beginnings of a foundation of trust and it will usually be reciprocated in-kind.
The greatest demonstration of power and security is to actually make oneself defenseless, to become as comfortable with one’s weaknesses as possible. – Mark Manson, The Vulnerability Primer
That’s the thing – you can’t just have trust in your partner. You also have to have trust in yourself. Because if you don’t have trust in yourself, and you aren’t vulnerable with yourself, your partner will become the source of your security, and not you. And that can quickly create a toxic situation.
If your trust were strong in yourself, and you were truly able to love unconditionally, it would not matter what your partner does. You would love them all the same, while maintaining your own healthy boundaries and doing what is right for you, even if that means letting them go their own way.
Merging of Consciousness
When two people are truly able to let down their defenses and create real intimacy and trust, it allows you to energetically merge with that person. Two become one, both emotionally and physically. You get a taste of the oneness of your own beings. You can recognize yourself in the other and in some instances, experience that oneness in a spiritual way as well as your oneness with all things.
This happens when we make energetic bonds with our partners through each of our chakras. As those energy centers become clear and are allowed to open themselves up and connect with another person, kundalini rises together, in unison, pushing both parties forward into spiritual experience.
You read about people having those experiences while on some kind of mind altering drug – DMT, Ayahuasca, etc., and you know that you can have that experience alone through meditation, but rarely do we think about sex as a form of meditation and an avenue for spiritual experience in and of itself. I dare say it might be the most fun way out there. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather orgasm be the side effect of my spiritual experience over uncontrolled vomiting.
Enlightened Culture of Sex
What would sex and relationships be like if we all operated from a place of unconditional love?
Conversations With God (Book 3) and some of Delores Cannon’s books discuss what this looks like in enlightened societies. Relationships are based on personal growth – what each party can learn from one another through their experiences, rather than survival of the species like we currently have.
Let’s face it, it’s still deeply ingrained in our psyche that we marry someone who will a) give us children and continue our legacy, b) support us financially and give us a comfortable life. We enter into an agreement with this person that isn’t unlike a business transaction, and if we’re lucky, there might be some fuzzy feelings involved. Although in many countries where arranged marriages are still the norm, “love” is not important and sex is really just a means for procreation.
In these enlightened societies described in these books, a relationship has no defined expiration date such as “‘Til death do us part.” When the relationship has run it’s course, the two part ways amicably to pursue other avenues for personal growth. The only expectations one has of their partner is to respect one another. Monogamy is not a requirement and one is free to love and make love with whomever they choose.
Don’t mistake me – I’m not saying they sleep around. When we, as humans, think of “sleeping around,” we often think of cheating strictly for physical pleasure with no love involved. I’m saying that they recognize the fact that polyamory as a very real aspect of themselves and have incorporated it into their society. That it’s possible to carry out deep, intimate relationships with more than one person simultaneously, because there is no cap on the amount of love or the kind of love a person has to give.
Instead of viewing a person who chooses to make love with more than one person as a slut or a whore, the physical act of making love is seen as a testament to the emotion that one feels for that person. The body of the other is not the property of their partner, it is wholly their own and they can choose to give it to whomever they wish to gift it to. Because it IS a gift which is shared intimately. And there is no threat to the other person involved, because they, themselves, understand that.
If you truly realized that every single person is YOU, you’d love them as much as you loved your truest love, and you could share that love with anybody on earth – or in the universe – freely without shame and without hangups and preconceived notions of what love is or what it should be.
Of course, in our current culture this would never work. It would be too much for most people’s egos to handle. We aren’t yet living our daily lives from a place of unconditional love, much less understanding the implications of such a lifestyle. But I do hope that this has at least been thought provoking for you and pushes you to think about your current definition of relationships.
Part 1 | Part 2
My first reaction to the reading was WOW. Your words captured a theme woven into my life right now. The reading has emboldened me to take back my power and inspired me to research some books, get back to meditating and provided a focus.Dina