When Everything Falls Apart

There are times in life – and for some of us, those times seem more frequent than others – when it appears as though we are completely enveloped in darkness. All hope seems lost. Our hearts ache. The world as we knew it is  crumbling all around us.

In times like these, it’s easy to fall prey to your limited perspective and to feel as though you can’t go on. All you see around you is the darkness. You cannot see what’s on the other side.

When we speak of a garden, we refer to the person tending it as a gardner. We say that he or she grows things. The truth is that they grow nothing. The seed does all of the work. The gardner simply creates a nurturing environment in which the seed can grow.

The seed itself is inherently endowed with the ability to sprout and change and the gardner does not make this happen. It just does. It’s what seeds do.

The same can be said for people. You are inherently endowed with the ability to sprout and grow. It’s what you do. No one can make you, no one can change you, and no one can heal you – they can simply create a nurturing environment for you to sprout in.

“A true healer does not heal you; she simply reflects back to you your innate capacity to heal. She is a reflector, or a loving transparency.

A true teacher does not teach you; she does not see you as inherently separate from her, or less than her. She simply reflects back your own inner knowing, and reminds you of the vastness of your being. She is a mirror, a signpost.

And love is the space in which all of this is possible; love heals, and we learn best in a loving field, no threat of failure, no punishment.” – Jeff Foster

But even within that loving space, at some point, the seed must come undone. It’s self, as it knows it, must fall apart in order to expand and BECOME.

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” – Cynthia Occelli

We have conditioned ourselves to believe that when things begin to fall apart, it’s a bad thing. And because we believe this to be a bad thing, we have begun to fear it. We fear the very thing which allows us to grow.

“Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.” -Chuck Palahniuk

Embrace your disaster. Surrender to change. Allow the transformation. Accept the pain and grow through it. Because you have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.

The gardener never actually sees the seed sprouting. Usually, you just happen to look one day and there are the little new leaves, standing sturdily above the dirt where a day or two before there was nothing.

It’s easy for someone, as a healer, to want to rush to the aid of someone when they’ve been planted in this darkness. But when the time comes for the root to take hold and the shell to come undone, there’s nothing you CAN do. You just have to walk away and wait for those little leaves to break the surface.

Thanks for being here,



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  1. This lovely message really hit the nail on the head today. Many events have happened in the last two years that I try and not label as catastrophic. They are just things that have challenged me, nurtured and changed me. Thank you for this Ash.

  2. I’m glad I read this article today. Right when everything really seems to be falling apart. But I’m staying optimistic about possible future events in my timeline.

  3. What is the painting with the ocelli quote called? I love it!

    • I’m not sure. I found it on Pinterest. I did see one without the quote, though.


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