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I stopped chasing it one year ago this week.
*Cue Record Scratch* Wait – But Why?
I didn’t consciously tell myself, “I’m not going to have sex for a year.” It was more so that after my divorce and subsequent reintroduction to human mating rituals after seven years of being in a long term relationship, I was confronted with the stark reality of what it was like to be back in the dating pool.
I was initially excited about the prospect of being able to date again, but when older, wiser, and with a much healthier perspective on myself and where I was in life. Then I realized that while I had grown tremendously, both emotionally and spiritually since the last time I dated, the vast majority of single people on planet earth were, unfortunately, mostly the same unconscious neanderthals they were when I was 26.
I wanted a real man. A conscious man. One that wasn’t afraid of depth, but more importantly, one that wasn’t afraid of me, my scars, my mess, or my insatiable desire to know and express myself as authentically as possible.
I realized I had no inclination to engage in sex without the kind of deep emotional intimacy that I knew was possible, and deep emotional intimacy is not something readily available on the market.
New York City is a lot of things, but a place where people take the time to connect with one another, it is not. It isn’t just that, though – I’m a high-functioning intellectual individual. Intellectually stimulating conversation is easy to come by here. Everybody thinks they’re a sapiosexual. But I also have an extremely high emotional intelligence, and that is not something many people on the planet have, much less a steely place like New York City. The type of emotional and spiritual depth I require to feel satisfied is a rarity to find anywhere.
I stopped having sex because I became disillusioned with the inevitable disappointment of being starved for the kind of connection I needed by men who were too afraid to be vulnerable.
I decided that the Universe would find a way to bring me into the path of the right person, and I didn’t have to deal with an onslaught of frivolous Bumble and Tinder chats to find them. I wanted to be truly seen. I wanted to be felt. I wanted the deepest parts of myself to be known – but how can I show that to someone if I don’t even know it, myself?
I stopped going to bars. I stopped spending hours on dating apps. I stopped settling for surface level bullshit. I stopped seeking something from outside myself to fill a void within me. I quit. And instead, I took all of the energy I would have normally spent in the pursuit of sex and some “other” to validate my self-worth and existence, and put it to use in the pursuit of finding myself, my own inner-worth, and understanding how that changed the dynamic of the types of people I attracted into my life. Through that process, I became crystal clear about what I wanted out of an intimate relationship, what I valued, and most importantly – who I was and what I was worth.
The result was that I consciously chose to never be with another man who didn’t truly see me. Who couldn’t meet me on my level. Who couldn’t show up with intimacy and vulnerability that set my soul on fire – the same kind that I am capable of offering.
I would rather live the rest of my life alone than let one more person touch my body without touching my soul.
Your body is your temple. You don’t let just anyone inside. I finally grew spiritually mature enough to fully revere it with the respect it deserves.
The thought of having a one-night stand, or even sleeping with someone that I’ve only been on a couple of dates with used to be an afterthought, but it is utterly repulsive to me now. I’ve realized that sex feels like meaningless, barely-enjoyable, animalistic copulation without the spiritual component of genuine love and spiritual connection.
Most people on this planet completely miss the full breadth and depth of what sex can be. They connect on a purely physical level. The quality of sex is measured by the number of orgasms had, how many positions you tried, and how many orifices were penetrated.
Sex is not merely an avenue for physical pleasure and procreation, but rather, a doorway to the divine. A way to commune with our highest selves and the greater creative force of the universe, and I do not mean that metaphorically. Sex is a legitimate spiritual practice.
Followers of various sects of Eastern religions have practiced sex as a meditation for thousands of years. Sexual energy is considered to be the essence of our life force and maintaining a prolonged state of heightened sexual arousal can induce a state of heightened psychic awareness, bliss, and oneness with the Universe. Sex literally becomes a shared spiritual experience.
In yogic traditions, the energy that is responsible for this is called kundalini, or shakti. Kundalini awakenings can happen spontaneously or during meditation and result in all of the things I mentioned earlier. Ask me how I know!
I’ve experienced kundalini awakenings during meditation a handful of times. It feels like the universe is making love to you from the inside out.
Imagine connecting with your partner physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, spiritually, and psychically in a state of total surrender while simultaneously experiencing the psychedelic highs of an LSD trip, merging so deeply that they intuitively know your every emotion and desire without you ever speaking a word, and your goal is not to orgasm, but rather, prolong that state as long as is humanly possible.
I think about what it would be like to experience that and – well, once you’ve had unicorn sex, everything else is just… vanilla.
In November of the same year, I caught a cold (in addition to the stomach flu), which then settled into yet another cough that didn’t dissipate until June of the following year.
Both times, I went to the doctor. They pumped me full of anti-biotics and steroids, and nothing changed. Eventually they diagnosed me with “asthma” because they needed to call it something in order to give me an inhaler, which also did nothing.
This year, as of April, said cough has returned. I’ve been kind to myself over the past six months. I’m under very little stress now, I’ve recovered from my adrenal fatigue, and I’m actively purging stagnant emotional energies.
Traditional energy healing ties coughing to the throat chakra, but I’ve felt this is more of a lung/heart-chakra issue, and yet no matter how many things I’ve purged from my heart center, it persists.
I finally decided to try acupuncture. I met an acupuncturist who lives in my neighborhood when I first moved here, so I pulled up her website to book an appointment, and at that moment, a coworker walked into my office and enquired about my cough. When I explained the circumstances, he immediately said, “Acupuncture. Everybody says it works.” There was my sign.
I had my appointment this past week, and while explaining to her the situational stress I was involved in over the course of the last three years as this cough has arisen, she mentioned to me that in Chinese medicine, the emotion tied to the lungs is grief. If you’ll recall my last post, I processed a past-life soul fragment that was heavy with grief. So heavy that I had to skip work the next day!
As I’ve reflected on my consultation and how grief and loss ties in as a trigger for the coughing, I had a realization.
I’ve talked a bit about my dad in previous posts and most of you know that we’re no longer on speaking terms, and I’ve talked a bit about the circumstances leading up to that, but I haven’t done so in great detail.
2016 was the year that everything fell apart. It had to, of course, because it was leading me somewhere, but it wasn’t pleasant. It was not easy. There was a moment in 2016 when I thought, “I would feel so much better if I could just die.” I experienced a prolific level of grief and loss that year in a very short period of time. I lost my closest friend. Two weeks later, my cat Jordan – my shadow, my fur baby – passed away. And then a month and a half after that, my grandmother passed away. The first loss brought me to my knees. The second had me on the ground. The third was like being beaten bloody with a baseball bat while I was down. With each new gut wrenching loss, I thought, “How much more can I take?”
And then came my grandmother’s funeral.
I have to be honest…my family could probably carry an entire season of Jerry Springer. After my parents divorced, my dad married my mom’s first cousin. Suffice to say, this caused some friction in the family, which came to a head at the funeral.
The grandmother that passed away was my dad’s mother. My grandparents from my mom’s side of the family attended the funeral and so did my mother. They’d known each other for 30 years, after all. My dad and his new wife (my mom’s first cousin whom I refer to as my step-monster) also attended said funeral. This would be my maternal grandmother’s niece. As entertaining as it would be to go into great detail, for brevity’s sake, let’s just say that crazy typically attracts crazy, so you can safely assume that as batshit and manipulative as my father is, it is also evident in his choice of partners.
After the funeral, everyone was invited to a luncheon at my grandparents’ former church, at which point, my new step-monster attacked her aunt (my grandmother) right in front of me — and our ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY. I literally had to step between her and my grandmother.
I was furious. I was already furious at her for a plethora of other reasons, the least of which involved her texting me from my dad’s phone, pretending to be him. I was furious at her for being the soul-sucking vortex of melodrama that she is. I was furious at her for being so self-centered and narcissistic that she had to make a spectacle of herself at my dead grandmother’s funeral. We were attempting to grieve the death of someone we loved and she made it about her in the most embarrassing way possible.
The fact that I was able to swallow my anger and keep my composure instead of grabbing her by the throat and choke slamming her in front of everyone (which is what I actually wanted to do) says a lot about my ability for self-control. It’s also why I’m REALLY FUCKING GOOD at repressing my emotions. And as I later told my father in the five page dissertation I wrote to him about the consequences of his inability to accept emotional responsibility for himself and his actions, “She’s lucky I didn’t do more than push her away. The last time someone put their hands on me like that, they went home with a black eye.”
My dad’s response to said letter? Three months of silence, followed by a text message denying half of it, dismissing the other half, and a staunch refusal to acknowledge my justifiable anger. Several months later in a conversation with my mother, he would deny having ever received a letter at all.
I remember, very vividly, laying in bed shortly after all of this went down and finally allowing myself to accept that my father was mentally ill. That acceptance triggered a series of realizations about various events throughout the past where I began to see that he had lied, manipulated, and used me as a means to an end. It was a shift in perspective that brought on an entirely new epiphany: the “dad” I thought I’d had all these years was a figment of my imagination. That, in and of itself, was yet another loss. A death, in it’s own way.
My realization after my acupuncture consultation was that the gravity of a single loss is hard enough. Having four losses of such magnitude within four months of each other is downright cataclysmic. My anger toward father and his wife’s behavior interrupted my grieving process.
The weight of all of the conflicting emotion was too much to handle, and I sought out a therapist. Said therapist was not a very good therapist and ended up doing more harm by attempting to push me into simply acceptance of who my father was without giving me the opportunity to process my anger, ultimately invalidating my emotions and refusing to acknowledge that he suffers from mental illness.
I get it…as a therapist, you don’t know the full story of where someone’s coming from and of course their perspective is just one perspective. But, as a therapist, you can’t really argue that a person who has out loud two-way conversations with “demons” in public places while speaking in tongues and is completely paranoid that armageddon is right around the corner isn’t somewhat touched. When David Koresh went down in flames, taking 75 other Branch Davidians with him, I’m certain that no therapist said, “Those are just his religious beliefs and you need to accept him for who he is.” Oh, and guess what? Daddy dearest has started his own church now…
I got a six month break before my next trauma hit, which was my divorce. I lived in a state of constant anxiety for six months leading up to my move, and the minute he told his family about it, I was completely cut out. Yet another devastating sense of loss that I could barely process for simply attempting to survive. I spent most of my energy my first five months in New York freaking out about how I was going to take care of myself, financially. I’d had my own business before but rebuilding it in a new state takes time and I only had enough money to last me through the end of November. Eventually I found a full time job and was able to breathe for a moment.
All of this grief, all of the loss… I haven’t had a chance to fully process any of it. My circuits had been overloaded with too much other shit until just now. It’s been two and a half years, now, and I suppose that stagnant energy has settled into my body. Any time I experience a smaller scale loss, the cough returns.
I had a reading a couple of days later with Christian Bradley West, a new psychic friend I made on Instagram. He’s hilarious, by the way, and you should follow him if you’re on there, and me as well! Sure as shit, grief was a topic of discussion.
I don’t know, logically, how to move through this. I’m hoping that getting some of it moving within the physical body through acupuncture will trigger some releasing. What I do know is that I’m going on my third month of hacking and I’m seriously over it.
Those of you in my Facebook group or who follow my page may have joined me on Facebook Live along with my friend, Misty Pennington, as we participated in a full moon releasing ceremony a few weeks ago. The audio quality on that video didn’t turn out so well, so Misty shared a write up of her ceremony with us in the group. Misty and I are working on putting together some better quality videos and how-tos on releasing and intention ceremonies in the near future, so stay tuned for that.
We didn’t have time to get together this week to do that for the upcoming new moon on Saturday, so Misty wrote up a nice guest post on putting together your own ceremony for Saturday to manifest your intentions.
New Moon Manifestation Rituals by Misty Pennington
In a follow-up to the Full Moon Ceremony earlier this month, it’s time to look at the next significant moon phase – the New Moon.
At the last full moon, we released and let go of heavy or dark thoughts, behaviors or emotions that we felt were holding us back from achieving our greatest/highest potential. The new moon is an ideal time to bring awareness and intention to the things that we want to invite into our life. New projects, new behaviors, plans, relationships, work, abundance; you get the picture!
The New Moon offers us a time of hope, a time of faith and renewal of our commitments. It’s the beginning of the next lunar cycle. A time to start anew.
What is is that you’d like to see come to fruition in your life this year? The new moon is a fertile place to start fresh and to remind us there is always rebirth waiting on the horizon.
There are several ways to have a new moon ritual – actually, I like to call it a New Moon Celebration. But if you are following the cycles of the moon and are working consistently on letting go of heavy and dark energy at the full moon and inviting or manifesting lighter energy during the new moon – these are rituals. I find great comfort in the practice of the rituals.
Establishing a ritual or a routine to work on being the best version of myself feels really good to me. It keeps me focused on the positive things in my life. Here are some practices that can be used during the New Moon either separately or all together to create a powerful ritual!
This removes any built up negativity that has accumulated and cleanses the environment and the self for what we are going to have flowing into our lives in the next cycle. I don’t know about you, but I personally feel an energetic difference in the room when I smudge.
I use sage – but you can opt for many different items to cleanse your space if sage does not appeal to you. Sweet grass, cedar and/or essential oils used in a spritzing bottle are often used, too. I like to say a blessing to Mother Earth, or Gaia, and thank her for her support of our life on this planet. You could say a prayer – any prayer – that appeals to you.
I usually light the sage and then blow it out so it has an ember like incense, I use a shall or fire-safe bowl to hold under it and waft the smoke of the sage with a feather to all corners of my room in a circular fashion. Or, if I’m outdoors, I waft the smoke in a circular fashion surrounding me in the area I am holding the ceremony. Don’t forget to waft the sage towards the floor and the sky as well. Of course, be mindful of the embers and don’t start a fire!
You don’t have to have an altar to perform a New Moon Ceremony, but I think they are wonderful to have. You need somewhere to set down the tools you are using – and why not use some things to significant to the meaning of your ceremony?
I usually find something to represent each element for my altar. Such as: a candle for fire, a seashell for water, a feather for air and herbs or flowers for earth. I often use crystals, too – their sparkly presence always has a magical feel and they’re just pretty. Keep in mind, that crystals usually have metaphysical properties and enhance and support certain emotions or feelings. If you want to get very specific – you can choose crystals for these properties – or you can simply choose them because you think they are beautiful.
Your altar needs to be personal to you. And, after all, this ceremony to me is a version of your personal soul church, so if it has meaning to you – use it. You can have a statue of a goddess, or a picture of Jesus, or a Buddha statue, anything you like. Pictures of your family – anything you hold sacred is fair game, in my opinion.
Often, I include a vessel of water, or a small cauldron of fire. I do this because I like to send my intentions of the ceremony up to the universe. Water and fire at the perfect ways to give these to the universe. If you place your intentions in the water, they will dissolve into the earth and you will have her helping hand for them to come to fruition. If you place the intentions in the fire – they will burn and the smoke will deliver them to the earth through the air.
You will also need something to carry the energy of your intention. I have used so many things. You can simply write these intentions down on a piece of paper to slip into the water or fire. I have used rose petals, fallen leaves, acorns, etc. Really, your imagination is the limit to what you can use – and it’s a fun project to put this ceremony together finding things in nature that represent what you are wishing to accomplish. (Remember – if you do a search in nature for items – take only items that are not being used anymore – do not take a birds nest or something that is in use by one of your outdoor friends!)
In this ceremony that I am going to recommend, I am going to use seeds. We are sending out thoughts on this new moon that we want to grow into fruition and become our reality. What better represents that, than a seed? You can use a flower seed, herb seeds. What about a mustard seed or the acorn? All appropriate. As I said – your imagination is your limit! Use what feels right to you – there is no right or wrong in doing this.
Alternatively to releasing these intentions – you could have an intention journal. If you do this – you’ll need your journal for the celebration.
Here is where the personalization of the ceremony goes a step further. You can do this in a group, or you can have an individual ceremony. You have your altar set up, you have smudged and cleared your space, you have said a prayer to bless the space and declare the space as a sacred area for which you are going to hold a ceremony of intention.
I like to start off with a meditation. Sometimes I will write my own meditation or sometimes I will listen to a pre-recorded meditation. I like to take time to do this so that I can quiet my mind and focus on what it is I really want to set into intention during this celebration. After I have performed a meditation, I get to work on the actual intention portion.
I will use the item I wish to infuse with my intention: the piece of paper that I write on, a seed, a petal to communicate this intention out loud. If you are doing this ceremony individually – saying these intentions as you write them is helpful. It can be distracting if you’re in a group and you’re all saying them out loud – so do what best suits the forum of your group. I will write these intentions on the paper; or I will hold a rose petal, or a leaf, or a seed to my forehead and I will focus on pushing the feeling of that intention into that item. I want that intention to be infused into the item I’m using. After infusing the item with intention, I then blow the breath of that intention into the item. I will then carry that item to the bowl of water or put it into the fire to give it to the universe.
(This is where the journal comes in if you are choosing to keep an intention journal. You’re going to write down these intentions in the journal. You will not want to put the journal in the fire or water – you will keep it so that you can continue to write about your work through the year as you cycle through your releasing and manifesting celebrations.)
You infuse several items or write down more than one intention. Often, we are working on more than one thing in our life. However, don’t do so many that your intentions get diluted and you lose your focus. We have 13 cycles in the year to continue our work for the year.
As such, you could start your intention cycle in January, using a broad scope of what it is you want to accomplish and then on the new moon each following month, work in detail on specific portions of your grand intention. You could wait and see how your intentions are coming together and create supporting or different intentions the following months depending on how you feel it’s going. If you’re not working on a big intention that requires focus of more than a month, you can set completely new, unrelated intentions each month. Again, this is all a personal journey and so there is no right or wrong way to do this! Trust your instincts and do what feels good to you.
You just need to be aware, that when you are setting these intentions, they need to be for YOU. You cannot control what others do. You’ll want to focus on YOUR happiness, your goals, what you would like to see happen in your life.
After my intentions have been delivered to the fire or water, or recorded in my journal, I usually like to have a closing prayer or poem that represents the sentiment of my celebration. Something inspirational and meaningful to me. Sometimes I might play some music or a song that supports those feelings as well.
If you placed items infused with your intentions into water – make sure that you take the bowl of water outdoors within the next 12 hours and pour it onto the earth. If you put your intentions in the fire – be mindful of the fire and try to let it burn out naturally – you don’t want to “squash” the energy of your intentions by putting out the flame before it burns out.
In addition to the ceremony above, or as an alternative to it, you can choose to celebration with a sacred new moon bath.
Designate a special journal to be your New Moon Journal. Write your intentions in this journal. Next, run a bath – and make it a sacred ritual that you do at the time of the new moon – add salts, essential oils, herbs or flower petals. Pamper yourself. Submerge yourself into this bath with the mindset that you are immersing yourself within the energy of rebirth.
You can also create a sacred altar space with candles, crystals or statues if you like the altar element of the celebration above. Some people even take a vessel of water outdoors and let it soak up new moon energy on the night of the new moon – then they pour that into the bathtub the following morning and bathe in the new moon water and hold their celebration at the beginning of the day to symbolize the new beginnings they are intending to cultivate.
These are merely suggestions on how to hold a New Moon Celebration. There are a lot of suggestions on-line and even in Pinterest. Take a gander at what’s out there. Or you can use my guidelines as your template. However you choose to celebrate the cycles of the earth and use them for your releasing and manifesting powers should resonate with meaning to you.
Good luck creating the life you desire using the natural cycles of the moon as your energetic friend!
Misty Pennington is a compassion mentor, Eden Energy Medicine certified reiki practitioner, intuitive, crystal singing bowl alchemist, and all-around witchy woman. She is the owner of The Garden of Common Ground in St. Louis, Missouri. For more information, visit Gardenofcommonground.com.
One of the reasons I’ve found it interesting is because, naturally, it seems to align with what I’m working toward right now as well (and a lot of my readings have in some way, shape or form). The other reason I find it intriguing came up when I started doing my New Year Life Themes Reports.
As part of that report, I analyze the energy for the coming year using numerology. I was quite surprised – although I shouldn’t have been – by what I found. Next year, 2017, is a GREAT year to start a spiritual practice, healing business, or any kind of entrepreneurial role that involves helping others.
I feel that’s why so many of the readings I have been doing lately are centered around that theme – a lot of us have been feeling the call and are beginning to respond to it. Some of us have been laying the groundwork throughout 2016 and I’m here to tell you that 2017 is the year to bring it all together. If you’ve just been doing it on the side as a hobby and have been feeling the pull to make it your full time job – make it a priority for 2017. You couldn’t ask for a better time.
I have truly been fascinated by how many people have asked me this question, especially recently. As I was crunching the numbers, I suddenly felt incredibly validated about my own choice to pursue this. It’s what makes me happy. I should have recognized that this was where I was meant to go two years ago, but I travelled off the path briefly. Let me explain…
Since I graduated college, I held a string of incredibly miserable jobs. Jobs working for people who were emotionally immature, had drug problems, were emotionally abusive and vindictive, or complete and total narcissists. I could truly horrify you with the stories I have from several of my jobs, but I’ll spare you the details.
Toward the end of 2013, I was in a job that I loved, but working for people and a company I hated. I sat at my desk for eight months and repeatedly said to myself, “Why am I even here? I hate this job.” And the universe gave me what I was subconsciously asking for – it got me out of that job. Not the way I necessarily would have expected… but it happened.
So I could have sulked for a good long while, panicked and immediately started searching for yet another job in desperation that I might have ended up hating just as much. But I didn’t. I chose to take control and started my own business as a digital marketing consultant.
I was headed out of that job one way or another, because I had better things on the horizon. Whether or not I would follow those signs, or ignore them and stay in that cycle of jobs I hated (believe me, that was just the last in a LOOONG line) was entirely up to me.
The control is all in your thoughts and beliefs about those situations. Law of Attraction – like attracts like.
In starting my own business, I did work for regular companies and I also had a focus on spiritual entrepreneurs called ThirtyThreeSix. I was very successful at what I did. I LOVED working for myself, I loved that I had plenty of time to do whatever I wanted. And in that time, I also started this little side project called In My Sacred Space as a hobby.
After two years of working for myself, I still loved the freedom, but the work wasn’t all that satisfying anymore. I felt restless and disinterested. It was at that time, the end of 2015, that I was offered the opportunity to join one of my clients full time as Marketing Director. I loved the people I worked with so much, that I decided to do it. All the while, I kept In My Sacred Space going as a side project. It had become my real passion… but when 2016 rolled in, life and work got in the way. Somehow, I managed to keep it afloat despite all of the obstacles.
As the year rolled on, I started feeling the urge to make spirituality my full time business, whatever that entailed. As things at my current job unraveled, I wondered if I’d made a mistake by going to work for someone else again. And at the beginning of December, I opted to back to consulting with the intention of putting as much time and energy as possible into IMSS and making it my full time business.
I realized, just today, that the reason things never seemed to pan out anywhere else is because it wasn’t really where I was meant to be, although certainly, all of the experience I gained from those jobs will serve me extremely well in this new endeavor. Since making the conscious decision to do this, I feel good. I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be, and I’m excited about it.
The thing about it was, there were little road signs all along to point me in the right direction. I’m perceptive enough (nowadays, at least) to take note of those signs and let my intuition guide me. I got off track, momentarily, but now I’m back and I feel better than ever.
There are better things on your horizon, too – the question is, will you take that leap of faith that is required to create them?
PS – if you are ready to start your business or expand it and you’re looking for help with web design, branding, or email marketing, check out my business page and drop me a line.
Question from a reader:
Intuition is something we all have access to. The reason why is because we’re all made of the same stuff – you, me, the earth, the universe, and the thoughts that pass through our brains are all, at the most basic level, a sea of energy. And carried within that energy are the basic building blocks of everything we know to exist (and all the things we don’t).
“Since I was a child of about 5 I have intuitively known things that others did not. I would say things to my parents who would say in response, “No honey that won’t happen because of xyz.” and then it would happen… they were puzzled and confused. They realized I had a gift of some sort and eventually would even ask me questions. My faith in a God and the universe was always there. I carried this gift as an adult to my career of being a police officer/detective. It helped me and people I encountered. How can you explain this feeling of knowing and additionally I would like to try and better develop my skills. What and how can I do this?”
Think of your body as a radio and your brain as the antenna. All around you are invisible waves of consciousness that are continuously being streamed by your brain, much like radio waves. Your radio is always set to pick up your channel, but through shifting your mind into different states of awareness, you can change the channel of your radio and pick up signals of other stations. Sometimes these stations belong to other people. Sometimes they belong to the universe itself. Sometimes it’s another station that belongs to you, but on a different level.
Sometimes radio stations get mixed and you can hear signals coming from two different stations at the same time, but one of them is stronger than the other, which makes the weaker one harder to understand. Often times that’s how our intuition works. We just get little blips of clarity here and there, but for the most part, stay firmly grounded in our most immediate default station.
We can train ourselves to be more aware of the signals around us by learning to shift our own awareness. People can do this actively through meditation. Practice it enough with meditation and you can do it at will throughout the day. Most of us do it automatically without even realizing it and we ignore the results. Some of us don’t ignore those results, and those tend to be the people who recognize they have a “gift.”
A gift that’s given to everyone is no longer a gift, it’s a birthright. It’s only a matter of whether or not one recognizes and uses it.
I’ve written a great deal on psychic development and you can find all of those posts here:
If you have a general question about spirituality, metaphysics, personal development or how those concepts apply to a specific experience or situation and you'd like me to address in a blog post, you can submit it here. When submitting your question, please be as specific as possible. If your question is in reference to a specific blog post, please include the link.
This does not apply to questions that you would ask during a psychic reading. Please book a reading with a reputable intuitive - you can find my list of recommended people here. I also offer single card tarot readings [GET DETAILS].
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Others will tell you that you attract what you already feel, energetically. “I’m feeling upset and sad so I’m attracting more things that will make me feel upset and sad.” That’s getting closer, but still a little bit too literal – and way too surface level.
Let’s take away the concept of “positive” and “negative” energy for a moment and just look at it as energy that is on the same frequency, whatever frequency that may be.
While it IS emotional energy that is attracting like energy, it’s a much deeper, more subconscious form of energy that resides in beliefs and attitudes that we hold… the most fundamental beliefs and attitudes that are the foundation of all of our other, more surface level beliefs and attitudes.
A lot of the time, we don’t even realize that we hold those beliefs and attitudes even though we play them out in a myriad of ways day in and day out.
For example – let’s say that deep down, you don’t feel worthy of love. That’s the most basic (negative) belief you hold about yourself and it’s the foundation of all kinds of other negative beliefs. Pretend that is the cornerstone, the first brick laid in the foundation of your ego.
The next brick that stems from not feeling worthy of love is, “I’m a bad person.” (i.e. I’m not worthy of love because I’m a bad person).
The next brick is, “I did something wrong.” (i.e. I did something wrong because I’m a bad person and that’s why I’m not worthy of love).
The next brick is, “This is my fault.” (This is my fault, I did something wrong because I’m a bad person and that’s why I’m not worthy of love).
You see, you begin to create a narrative – a personal story – out of these beliefs. But nobody really wants to think that they’re a bad person so they repress those thoughts. They push them out of their mind,but they still reside in their subconscious as beliefs. But now the person has begun to ignore it. We call this the shadow self.
When these thoughts and beliefs become repressed and we’re not aware of them, we begin to project. In this instance, it would come out as someone who feels like a victim all the time. The subconscious narrative of “this is my fault” turns into “Everybody blames me for everything.” This is so that the ego doesn’t have to bare the responsibility any longer (even though it’s the one holding the beliefs in the first place).
Now this person has this narrative of “everybody blames me for everything” that they repeat over and over, and at the root of it is the belief that they are somehow inherently flawed and they may even subconsciously feel responsible even when it’s not their fault!
So they keep attracting to themselves situations (and people) that match that victim energy. Every victim needs a perpetrator.
What’s interesting is that the perpetrator will often suffer from exactly the same subconscious beliefs, but they, too, project and instead of being the weaker of the two, their imbalance creates a dominating effect which they act out by not taking responsibility for their actions, and blaming the other person.
When we become self-aware, we can begin to recognize these narratives. When we start questioning the narrative and asking ourselves, “What’s behind this?” we start to get down to the foundation, brick by brick, until we reach the root of the belief. That’s where the foundation for Law of Attraction lives, as well as your most fundamental underlying fear.
When you change that fundamental belief into a positive one, that’s when you will begin to manifest new experiences that match that frequency.