Stop Using Spirituality to Kick Your Own Ass

Aug 8, 2017 | Personal Development, Spirit

I made a startling discovery about myself last night. Ok, it wasn’t very startling. It’s a pattern that I’ve been ignoring for quite some time and never fully acknowledged until now. I use spirituality as a tool for self-destruction. As I wrote in this post long ago, sometimes that can be a good thing, but in this instance, I mean it in the negative context.

I’ve talked about the concept of spiritual bypassing – the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks – on numerous occasions, but rarely, if ever, have I talked about those of us on the opposite end of that spectrum.

I find myself, from time to time, pulling tarot cards for myself and immediately reading into them what’s “wrong” with me and how I’m fucking things up. Of course with cards, in a way, you can see what you want to see. They’re open-ended enough to allow for interpretation and that’s what makes them work. It’s also what allows your ego to creep in.

Unlike spiritual bypassers who use spirituality to puff up their ego and delude themselves into ideas of spiritual grandeur, I use it to beat the shit out of myself. Cut myself down to size. Sure, it makes me humble. It also keeps me small.

Always, in those moments, my intuition becomes muddled. I get confused. I can’t see the forest for the trees. I believe I’ve used the analogy of drowning in a bird bath before – you’re so busy thrashing around that you don’t realize that all you have to do is stand up. The water is shallow.

One thing is for sure about this move, I’ve been far more conscious of my own self-destructive patterns of thought than I ever have, and I’m actively attempting to let them go. It’s too easy to struggle. I’ve been doing it for so long that it comes naturally to me. Isn’t it about time we floated?

Last night was the kickoff of eclipse season with a lunar eclipse in Aquarius. Eclipse season is going to burn away every last shred of anything that is contributing to your own suffering. Expect that you, too, will be experiencing all of your own self-destructive patterns. What will you do with them?

I read something the other night that said the lunar eclipse in Aquarius was about figuring out how you want to be seen in the world, and in order to do that, you first have to know who you are. During a phone call with a friend on the same evening, she gave me a good homework assignment: Write down who you are. And so I did.

I am kind.
I am loving.
I am beautiful.
I am wise.
I am open and accepting.
I am fearless.
I am the creator of my existence.
I am honest and vulnerable.
I am a leader.
I am a beacon of hope for everyone around me.
I am living my purpose.
I am connected.
I am whole.
That. That right there. That’s where I’m telling eclipse season to take me. How about you?

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My first reaction to the reading was WOW. Your words captured a theme woven into my life right now. The reading has emboldened me to take back my power and inspired me to research some books, get back to meditating and provided a focus.

Dina

New York

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