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Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

by Ash | July 1, 2020 | Discernment, Healing, Manifesting, Mind, Question Submission, self-awareness, Spirit | 0 Comments

It’s time to talk about toxic spiritual concepts and its contribution to victim shaming and the enabling of abusive dynamics.

The Most Important Work You Will Ever Do

by Ash | June 24, 2020 | Featured, Mind, My favorites, Psychology, self-awareness | 0 Comments

All of the world’s problems (and yours) come down to this.

Do Not Look Away

by Ash | June 13, 2020 | Discernment, Featured, Personal Development, self-awareness | 5 Comments

This post might make you uncomfortable. Can you sit with that discomfort long enough to figure out where it’s coming from? Let’s find out.

@ASHRISING ON INSTAGRAM

Something happened today that I thought was worth

Something happened today that I thought was worth sharing as my first post in nearly three months.

I called in sick to work on Monday. My boss asked me this morning if I was feeling better. I told her that I was.

She asked me what kind of sick—did I have a cold or was I just exhausted from moving all weekend—and I told her the truth.

I told her I took off because I was not well, emotionally, and explained that I occasionally experience brief, but intense bouts of depression.

I know no one wants to tell their boss that the reason they didn’t come to work was because they literally couldn’t bring themselves to get out of bed in the morning and spent the entire day crying, but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened.

The old me would have gone to work anyway, sat at my desk and stared at my computer screen for eight hours while attempting to hide my tears.

The newer me prioritizes myself above perceived obligation.

She was extremely supportive, which I knew she would be. She’s shared similar information about herself in the past, and I admire both her humanness and her willingness to be seen as such. That’s not easy for someone in her position to do.

At any rate, I hope this story inspires at least one person to feel less ashamed of their mental health and to make their own healing a priority.

#depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #weallhavefeels #healing #selfcare

Back for a quick troll. Post speaks for itself 🤷🏻‍♀️. #hex #hexing #karma #karmaquotes #shitmyspiritguidesays #shitmyspiritguidessay #puthiminajar #putherinajar

There’s too much rape culture enablement in the

There’s too much rape culture enablement in the spiritual community.

You do not manifest abuse (see my latest blog post, link in bio).

Coercion is rape, not a “regrettable decision,” for the reason stated above.

Victim shaming masquerading as spiritual teaching needs to end.

Teach men to respect boundaries.

#spirituality #rapecultureisreal #rapecultureiswhen #spiritualgaslighting #spiritualbypassing #sexualtrauma #healingfromabuse #patriarchy #smashthepatriarchy #spiritualfeminist #feminism #sacredmasculine #divinefeminine #sexualtrauma #believewomen

I posted this on March 23rd, just two weeks before

I posted this on March 23rd, just two weeks before I stopped posting to Instagram. Unbeknownst to me consciously, but perhaps intuitively sensed, this is how I would spend my next five months.

Depression has been calling me since November. I’d been fighting the urge to withdraw from the world since.

When January hit, things began to deteriorate. In addition to the surfacing of unhealed trauma, someone I cared for deeply abruptly cut me out of their life. It ripped open an abandonment wound that I’d thought had long been healed. And there it was, gaping and bleeding as fresh as the day it was inflicted.

Since January, I’d been in and out of depression. In June, it took a turn for the worse. In July, I bottomed out. Over the course of those seven months, the thought that death would bring reprieve from the pain crossed my mind more times than I care to admit. I found myself wondering, for the first time ever, if I should consider medicating myself. I lost my faith in life.

The hard season came upon me and it split me through. My light was snuffed out. I bled water. A thousand tears of grief. The years were purged from their hiding places and I reacquainted myself with the ghosts as they passed from me, one by one. My self-worth lay on the floor. The rage was still tender, even into last week, the ninth month.

I am ready for the soft season to come. To drink the damage into love. The scars are the reminders of wisdom gained—may they be ever present.

This is what real healing looks like. It is hard. It is long. It is not glamorous. It doesn’t look like magical transcendence, it looks like total destruction, and the life you build afterward.

DISCLAIMER: this is not a pity post. I don’t need anyone to be here for me. The people that I rely on have known this was happening in real time. If you didn’t, you’re not one of them, and that is by design. I’m only sharing this NOW because I’m in a better place, finally, and I want other people who experience this to know that they are not alone. That’s all.

Poem by @nayyirah.waheed

#darkness #rebirth #healing #depression #mentalhealthawareness #spirituality #lightworker #healer

Someone told me on on Monday that they unfollowed

Someone told me on on Monday that they unfollowed me on Instagram, and it was one of the best compliments I could ever ask for.

She started by asking me if I could officiate her wedding vow renewal ceremony. “I really wanted someone who I feel in sync with and have always enjoyed as an authentic teacher and knowledgeable in the spiritual community.” That in and of itself is flattering, but her reason for unfollowing me was what I really took to heart:
“I go through phases where I delete or unfollow a bunch of people so that I’m not constantly reminded of heavy work (which I’m addicted to reading about).” This, to me, is the greatest compliment. I went to a conference over the weekend where they gave up intention bracelets that we could have any word stamped into. I chose dharma. (The girl making the bracelets didn’t even know how to spell it, but that’s another story...). If I’m reminding people of the heavy work, it means I’m doing my service to the collective. That’s my path. That’s my purpose.

#purpose #thework #theworkisworthit #personalgrowth #spiritualgrowth #personaldevelopment #mentor #livebyexample

Another something I wrote one morning in June: Ab

Another something I wrote one morning in June:

Abandonment is a term we’re all familiar with and have likely experienced to some degree in a relationship at some point–the guy you met on Bumble and dated for three weeks who ghosted you; the one you dated in college who moved away; the friend who broke up with you after a disagreement.

Then there’s traumatic abandonment. I don’t know if that’s an official psychological term, but if it’s not, I’m about to coin it. Traumatic abandonment occurs when someone you have developed a long-term, intimate emotional relationship with suddenly cuts off all communication without warning. It’s being ghosted, but not just by anyone–by someone you love and have a deep attachment to.

Traumatic abandonment leaves a devastation in its wake rivaled only by death–except it’s worse, because at least with death (suicide being the exception), the loved one didn’t choose to leave you.

The stages of grief are similar, though they come with one addition: confusion. First, you are confused. Why aren’t they responding? You make excuses. Maybe they’re just busy. Maybe their battery died. The hours go by and then the days. Maybe they lost their phone. Still nothing. After a few days, it begins to sink in.

Then comes bargaining: once you recognize the person has no intention of responding to you, you keep keep trying. You send text messages trying to fix things. You apologize, or beg for forgiveness, or forgive, or otherwise try to smooth over whatever happened, only to be met with more silence.  Next comes the anger. Why would they do this to you? How could they do this to you? How could anyone, but especially them–this person who said they loved you? How can they just disappear without saying a word?

Weeks begin to pass and the denial begins to work it’s delusion. You tell yourself they’ll come back. You build yourself up with hope. It gets you through the days. Every time your phone buzzes, you think, “Maybe it’s them.” And then you crash each time you see that it isn’t, until it happens enough times that hope becomes cynicism. (continued 👇🏻)

Question submission: “Hi Ash 💕 I want to unde

Question submission: “Hi Ash 💕 I want to understand how you managed to change this [negative body image] mindset. I have it too! Always angry because I gained weight 😪 I need guidance on this. I don’t know where to start.” I think this is rooted in looking for love and acceptance outside of ourselves - from society, from men, etc. and allowing other people’s reactions to us dictate our value. We mistakenly believe that it somehow has something to do with how we look.

The reality is that nearly 100% of the time, if/when we are rejected by someone, it’s because of THEIR own issues and has nothing to do with us.

Changing THAT mindset— the belief that YOU are the source of the problem—is key.

Most of the time that involves looking at how past relationships influenced our self esteem and how our relationship with our parents influenced our self esteem, and working on healing that.

Usually we had disapproving or hypercritical parents and we thought we had to earn their love and approval by being whatever it was that they wanted us to be.

It’s only when we begin to find acceptance for ourselves as we are, begin the process of individuation and truly become our own person, find our own authenticity, that we really begin to develop self-love, and that changes EVERYTHING, including how you see yourself and your physical body. 📷: @tantric.alchemy

Something happened today that I thought was worth

Something happened today that I thought was worth sharing as my first post in nearly three months.

I called in sick to work on Monday. My boss asked me this morning if I was feeling better. I told her that I was.

She asked me what kind of sick—did I have a cold or was I just exhausted from moving all weekend—and I told her the truth.

I told her I took off because I was not well, emotionally, and explained that I occasionally experience brief, but intense bouts of depression.

I know no one wants to tell their boss that the reason they didn’t come to work was because they literally couldn’t bring themselves to get out of bed in the morning and spent the entire day crying, but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened.

The old me would have gone to work anyway, sat at my desk and stared at my computer screen for eight hours while attempting to hide my tears.

The newer me prioritizes myself above perceived obligation.

She was extremely supportive, which I knew she would be. She’s shared similar information about herself in the past, and I admire both her humanness and her willingness to be seen as such. That’s not easy for someone in her position to do.

At any rate, I hope this story inspires at least one person to feel less ashamed of their mental health and to make their own healing a priority.

#depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #weallhavefeels #healing #selfcare

Back for a quick troll. Post speaks for itself 🤷🏻‍♀️. #hex #hexing #karma #karmaquotes #shitmyspiritguidesays #shitmyspiritguidessay #puthiminajar #putherinajar

There’s too much rape culture enablement in the

There’s too much rape culture enablement in the spiritual community.

You do not manifest abuse (see my latest blog post, link in bio).

Coercion is rape, not a “regrettable decision,” for the reason stated above.

Victim shaming masquerading as spiritual teaching needs to end.

Teach men to respect boundaries.

#spirituality #rapecultureisreal #rapecultureiswhen #spiritualgaslighting #spiritualbypassing #sexualtrauma #healingfromabuse #patriarchy #smashthepatriarchy #spiritualfeminist #feminism #sacredmasculine #divinefeminine #sexualtrauma #believewomen

I posted this on March 23rd, just two weeks before

I posted this on March 23rd, just two weeks before I stopped posting to Instagram. Unbeknownst to me consciously, but perhaps intuitively sensed, this is how I would spend my next five months.

Depression has been calling me since November. I’d been fighting the urge to withdraw from the world since.

When January hit, things began to deteriorate. In addition to the surfacing of unhealed trauma, someone I cared for deeply abruptly cut me out of their life. It ripped open an abandonment wound that I’d thought had long been healed. And there it was, gaping and bleeding as fresh as the day it was inflicted.

Since January, I’d been in and out of depression. In June, it took a turn for the worse. In July, I bottomed out. Over the course of those seven months, the thought that death would bring reprieve from the pain crossed my mind more times than I care to admit. I found myself wondering, for the first time ever, if I should consider medicating myself. I lost my faith in life.

The hard season came upon me and it split me through. My light was snuffed out. I bled water. A thousand tears of grief. The years were purged from their hiding places and I reacquainted myself with the ghosts as they passed from me, one by one. My self-worth lay on the floor. The rage was still tender, even into last week, the ninth month.

I am ready for the soft season to come. To drink the damage into love. The scars are the reminders of wisdom gained—may they be ever present.

This is what real healing looks like. It is hard. It is long. It is not glamorous. It doesn’t look like magical transcendence, it looks like total destruction, and the life you build afterward.

DISCLAIMER: this is not a pity post. I don’t need anyone to be here for me. The people that I rely on have known this was happening in real time. If you didn’t, you’re not one of them, and that is by design. I’m only sharing this NOW because I’m in a better place, finally, and I want other people who experience this to know that they are not alone. That’s all.

Poem by @nayyirah.waheed

#darkness #rebirth #healing #depression #mentalhealthawareness #spirituality #lightworker #healer

Someone told me on on Monday that they unfollowed

Someone told me on on Monday that they unfollowed me on Instagram, and it was one of the best compliments I could ever ask for.

She started by asking me if I could officiate her wedding vow renewal ceremony. “I really wanted someone who I feel in sync with and have always enjoyed as an authentic teacher and knowledgeable in the spiritual community.” That in and of itself is flattering, but her reason for unfollowing me was what I really took to heart:
“I go through phases where I delete or unfollow a bunch of people so that I’m not constantly reminded of heavy work (which I’m addicted to reading about).” This, to me, is the greatest compliment. I went to a conference over the weekend where they gave up intention bracelets that we could have any word stamped into. I chose dharma. (The girl making the bracelets didn’t even know how to spell it, but that’s another story...). If I’m reminding people of the heavy work, it means I’m doing my service to the collective. That’s my path. That’s my purpose.

#purpose #thework #theworkisworthit #personalgrowth #spiritualgrowth #personaldevelopment #mentor #livebyexample

Another something I wrote one morning in June: Ab

Another something I wrote one morning in June:

Abandonment is a term we’re all familiar with and have likely experienced to some degree in a relationship at some point–the guy you met on Bumble and dated for three weeks who ghosted you; the one you dated in college who moved away; the friend who broke up with you after a disagreement.

Then there’s traumatic abandonment. I don’t know if that’s an official psychological term, but if it’s not, I’m about to coin it. Traumatic abandonment occurs when someone you have developed a long-term, intimate emotional relationship with suddenly cuts off all communication without warning. It’s being ghosted, but not just by anyone–by someone you love and have a deep attachment to.

Traumatic abandonment leaves a devastation in its wake rivaled only by death–except it’s worse, because at least with death (suicide being the exception), the loved one didn’t choose to leave you.

The stages of grief are similar, though they come with one addition: confusion. First, you are confused. Why aren’t they responding? You make excuses. Maybe they’re just busy. Maybe their battery died. The hours go by and then the days. Maybe they lost their phone. Still nothing. After a few days, it begins to sink in.

Then comes bargaining: once you recognize the person has no intention of responding to you, you keep keep trying. You send text messages trying to fix things. You apologize, or beg for forgiveness, or forgive, or otherwise try to smooth over whatever happened, only to be met with more silence.  Next comes the anger. Why would they do this to you? How could they do this to you? How could anyone, but especially them–this person who said they loved you? How can they just disappear without saying a word?

Weeks begin to pass and the denial begins to work it’s delusion. You tell yourself they’ll come back. You build yourself up with hope. It gets you through the days. Every time your phone buzzes, you think, “Maybe it’s them.” And then you crash each time you see that it isn’t, until it happens enough times that hope becomes cynicism. (continued 👇🏻)

Question submission: “Hi Ash 💕 I want to unde

Question submission: “Hi Ash 💕 I want to understand how you managed to change this [negative body image] mindset. I have it too! Always angry because I gained weight 😪 I need guidance on this. I don’t know where to start.” I think this is rooted in looking for love and acceptance outside of ourselves - from society, from men, etc. and allowing other people’s reactions to us dictate our value. We mistakenly believe that it somehow has something to do with how we look.

The reality is that nearly 100% of the time, if/when we are rejected by someone, it’s because of THEIR own issues and has nothing to do with us.

Changing THAT mindset— the belief that YOU are the source of the problem—is key.

Most of the time that involves looking at how past relationships influenced our self esteem and how our relationship with our parents influenced our self esteem, and working on healing that.

Usually we had disapproving or hypercritical parents and we thought we had to earn their love and approval by being whatever it was that they wanted us to be.

It’s only when we begin to find acceptance for ourselves as we are, begin the process of individuation and truly become our own person, find our own authenticity, that we really begin to develop self-love, and that changes EVERYTHING, including how you see yourself and your physical body. 📷: @tantric.alchemy

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