Workshopping My Life
I come home after being out for 12 hours and crash face first into bed, and yet still have nothing to show for it. When I started applying for jobs, I didn’t know whether I wanted to apply for something that is actually a logical next step on my current career trajectory, a lateral move that would keep me at the same level I was before I started consulting, or if I wanted to get a part time job and continue trying to build my consulting business, or just get a total bullshit job as an office assistant where I didn’t have to think or pour any more emotional energy into it than I absolutely had to. I had no clarity.
Then I had a realization – that I’ve re-evaluated just about everything in and about my life except for my career. It’s just always what I’ve done and it’s been fine, but it’s never been something that I was passionate about. It was something I picked as a major in college that sounded alright and then I went wherever it lead me. I never declared, “This is what I want to do with my life!” It’s just what I fell into.
So last week I realized that I hadn’t really put much thought into whether or not this was what I really wanted to be doing with my life. I mean, I had – in December of last year, my plan for 2017 was to get out of marketing and move into IMSS full time, that is, until my life imploded – but since everything else got in the way, I decided to put that on hold and keep doing what I knew. I came to the conclusion that I needed to rethink that as well.
Up to this point I had been going in circles. It wasn’t until I gave myself permission to stop and think about it that I thought, “Wait a minute, maybe it’s none of that.”
Allowing myself to put all of the other stuff aside for a moment was a big thing – taking my ego out of the picture and realizing that I don’t need, or even want, a high profile “cool” job. Yes, I like being my own boss, but the fact of the matter is, I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. I just need to recover. I need stability. I need something that will pay my bills and afford me the opportunity to continue healing.
It was a process to try and figure that out. I had to clear away a lot of emotional clutter and attachments that were keeping me from seeing it and accepting it. And that was the moment I decided that I needed to workshop my life in the same way that I would workshop a business client.
What is my long term vision and purpose? What are my goals? What are my core values? Where do I want to be in 5 years, not just career wise, but with LIFE? How do all of those other things help me determine what it is that I want to do and be? How do I get form point A to point B?
Naturally, after I read my October horoscope over at Astrostyle.com, it was dead on:
“Before you can truly stretch out those social butterfly wings, you may have to roll up your sleeves and hustle. The Sun is making its annual visit to Libra and your grounded second house until October 23— a sensible cycle that helps you put a proper plan in place. As a Virgo, you kinda need that before you go running off willy-nilly!”
I’m still not entirely sure what my immediate long term vision looks like. I know that I want to be doing something with IMSS as a full time job. What that will look like? I have no idea. I did get a sense, after attending a panel discussion here in town, that it needs to be something that grows within the local community.
That’s one of the things that I love about Jersey City – it’s such a tight knit community and there are so many entrepreneurs here doing their thing. I feel a pull to join in that. I’m just not sure how, yet. Naturally, that showed up in my horoscope as well:
“Worldly Jupiter is the planet of growth and risk-taking, and its visit to your neighborhood nook can bring new adventures right to your home turf. You could bond with people who are different from your usual type, making friendships that bridge philosophies and interests. You might get more involved in cultural offerings or share your own brilliance in your ‘hood. Is it time to attend that writer’s group or open your vintage pop-up shop? Or maybe “Mayor Virgo” has a ring to it! Adopt an experimental approach and try, try, try.”
So now I have a plan, at least a better one than I did a week ago, and step one is to find a job that offers me mental, emotional, and financial stability. Looks like October is the right time to do it!
“The October 19 Libra new moon could bring a plum job offer or money-making opportunity. Events may unfold over a longer period (new moons can take up to six months to fully manifest), but if you’re looking for a new gig, start spreading the word.”
Lastly – I mentioned in a post a few weeks back that I was suspending a lot of my services here until further notice… or until I get a full time job that can pay some bills. Then I got frustrated today when I realized that I couldn’t send an email that I wanted to because with the free version of my email system, I can only send to 2,000 people a day (and only 12,000 per month). I have 1,500+ people on my list, so just sending out my regular 2 blog posts a week hits my limit.
I don’t want you to have to stop receiving communication from me just because I’m financially strapped. So I thought maybe you guys would care enough about what I provide here to pitch in and help me out while I’m figuring out how to take care of myself.
I’m asking for $500 to cover blog expenses for the next 6 months (and that should be more than enough). Seriously, if every one of my subscribers gave me 33 cents each, that would cover it.
If you’re down to help out, contribute below, and thanks in advance for helping out. I don’t like asking for money, I’d much rather earn it, but I’m honestly barely in the headspace to be able to give anyone a reading.