How To Win Your Next Political Argument on Facebook

Thanks to these times we live in, I’ve been exposed to an unfettered amount of rage and hate in my Facebook news feed. When I logged onto my account last Sunday, I was bombarded with hatefulness in reaction to the women’s march that occurred the day before.

“Ugly fat bitch” and “worthless pig” were two of the most notable insults I saw women hurling at other women.

It created a very surreal moment for me. One of those moments where you look around at other people and feel like you’re the only person in the room that is even remotely self-aware, and you watch everyone else’s behavior in total horror knowing full well that they did not realize at all what they were doing or saying. I mean, I suppose that’s how a large majority of people live their life daily on this planet anyway, but it was just so blatantly obvious to me in that moment.

It was the final straw for me. I’ve been in digital marketing for ten years and social media is an integral part of my job, but I finally just got tired of it and I went on a social media purge. I deleted my personal Twitter account, my personal Instagram account, my Google+ account (all of which were barely used anyway), I disconnected myself from several former clients’ pages that still had me attached as an owner, I unfollowed innumerable Facebook pages, left any group that I didn’t care about or that was stagnant, and most importantly, I purged 914 people from my friends list… and I feel so much lighter. I could probably get rid of more, and I’ll get around to it eventually. But this was a damn good start.

It’s not that I don’t like dissenting opinions. Quite the contrary – I thoroughly enjoy a good debate. What I don’t care for, and won’t bother with, however, is straight up hatefulness.

Martin Luther King, Jr. aptly stated, “Hate does not drive out hate. Only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t know a Facebook block would have the same effect 😉 (j/k… mostly).

The sponsoring emotion at the base of hatefulness is fear.

I’ve used the quote by Roman historian Titus Livius, “We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.”

Thus, we may posit that ignorance triggers fear and that fear begets hate.

I made a couple of posts on my Facebook page in support of the women’s march – one about why I thought it was necessary (because fuck patriarchy), and one share from Elizabeth Gilbert discussing how it’s symbolic of the divine feminine rising. I received a couple of dissenting comments that were much along the lines of the two things I mentioned earlier, though not quite as openly nasty. More so just insinuating nastiness. Both were also, once again, from women.

Neither commenter offered an actual rebuttal to anything that was written, but rather, made thinly veiled attempts to attack my character, suggesting that my support of the march was a reflection of me as a flawed human being. They also made a few assumptions about the reasons for my views that were never mentioned nor had anything to do with them.

The other thing I found interesting about both commenters was that neither actually follow my page. I assume one of their friends liked my post so it showed up in their newsfeed and they felt the need to comment on it even though they knew nothing about the page, it’s subject matter, or me, for that matter, such as my prolific use of the word “fuck.”  

I could behave just as they do – without self awareness, allow my emotions to get the better of me, lash out, etc. I could just block them or ignore their comments all together. But neither of those things solves the two issues mentioned above: ignorance + fear = hate.

Instead, I try to engage such people in calm, intellectual debate, attempting to educate them with historical evidence and philosophy along the way, as well as giving many examples of personal experiences to enlighten them as to why I think the way I do. 

If that person isn’t open-minded enough to consider facts and a broadened context around their views or to empathize with the plight of another human being, well, there’s not much hope for them. But if they are, there’s a slight chance that our interaction may move them one step closer to an eye-opening breakthrough…or vice versa. I’m always hoping for the latter.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation (and it seems that the likelihood of that happening is skyrocketing), remember – don’t hate. Educate. And do so in a loving, understanding way… and personal vulnerability goes a long way when it comes to connecting with other human beings.

I started a Tarot series on my Facebook page tackling questions about the current political climate. Today’s spread spoke of “listening.” That’s an important thing that we must do right now – listen to each other, and be willing to let go of old beliefs and ideas that are no longer serving us. That includes political ideologies. As we listen to each other, I’m certain that you’ll discover that we all really want the same things, we simply disagree about how to go about getting them.

When we stop yelling and start communicating, and end up seeing eye-to-eye, that’s a win/win.



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  1. I LOVE this post! You have truly hit the nail on the head, this is an opportunity for us to heal through love. Spread the message!
    Today I heard someone say when you’re thinking about Trump, remember to thank him for signing up for this role, to be this horrific and awful human being, and take all the abuse and hatred, all to help our souls’ development.
    Obviously not what to say when arguing with a trumper

  2. Ash – I am really struggling with this so I appreciate this post a lot. I would like to think I would never get ugly about someone else’s opposing opinion, but it seems everything is different now. The opinions of those in charge now will irreparably damage the planet and cause global outrage on a daily basis. But even with all this at stake, you’re right in the way you describe dealing with this. It’s important to read posts like this during these times. Thank you for always being so on-point and insightful!


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