When Purpose Calls
Purpose is calling. It wants you to follow…but following means giving up everything you’ve ever known and the safety and security of what’s comfortable and what feels good, to leap into the unknown. And you don’t know what’s on the other side. You don’t know what it looks like or how it’s going to play out, but you have this driving urge that you need to do it, no matter how much it scares you.
When purpose calls, it asks you to sacrifice. It asks you to stand up and stop being afraid. It asks you to step into your power instead of running from it. Commit. Even when that means breaking prior commitments.
When you ignore it, It gets louder. It demands to be seen, to be brought to fruition. It sits there, beneath the surface, banging on the door, waiting for you to open it and walk through. The universe clears the way, but you must take the first step.
I’ve felt that calling for a while now. I denied it for a long time, and the more I did, the more my heart ached. I wasn’t living my purpose. I wasn’t in alignment. On the outside, it was comfortable, but on the inside…I knew something was off. In order to understand it, I had to dig. I had to do a lot of work on myself. I had to peel away several layers of comfortable denial in order to get to the heart of it. And then one very painful day, I reached the center.
Purpose was calling. And I was afraid… because I didn’t know if I was ready. But there’s no time to wait anymore. Ready or not – if you intend to do this, you must leap. And so I did.
I came to the realization back in February that the life I was currently living didn’t belong to me. It’s hard to explain, but I realized that where I had ended up was the culmination of years of attempting to stay safe and secure, and to make everyone around me happy – everyone except me. I lost so much of myself along the way that when I finally woke up and was able to see it, nothing around me belonged to me. It belonged to the person I had forced myself to become in order to feel accepted.
In that moment, I knew why I’d been feeling a pull to the east coast. I knew why I’d been feeling the need to devote more of my life to my spiritual work. I knew why I’d gone through all of the emotional trials of the last few years. All of it was leading to this. Purpose.
And so it was with a strange mix of emotions – sadness, grief, but also excitement and hope – that I decided I needed to make a major life change. I decided that I was going to leave my life as I knew it and make a move to New York City… and live my purpose. And that meant leaving behind my husband and the family that I’ve come to know and love.
I waited several months before announcing it publicly because we hadn’t told family yet, and I wasn’t sure exactly when I’d be able to go. As of right now, I plan to move in July. I’m apartment hunting as you read this.
The universe cleared the way – my full time job dissolved shortly before I came to the decision. The things that held me in St. Louis fell away, one by one. The door was opened, I just had to take the first step. I have no plan, honestly. I know that focusing on my work here at In My Sacred Space is where my full attention needs to be, and for whatever reason, there’s something in New York that’s important for my work.
All my life, I’ve always admired people who could pack up on a whim and move to a new city with no plan in place and just know that it will work out, but I always said that it could never be me. I could never do that, because I needed safety and security – I needed a plan. I’m a Virgo, after all…. but here I am, a country girl from a rural farming town of 500 people, moving to New York City with nothing but a bunch of bedroom furniture, a website, and enough money in savings to pay my rent for six months…I suppose I’ll figure the rest out when I get there. The universe will provide, so I’ve been told. And if this is really where I’m meant to be, and this is really my purpose, it has to work out. I don’t have any other choice.
I. Am. Terrified. I have approximately one friend, two acquaintances, and a sorority sister from college that I haven’t really spent any time with in 10 years in New York City. That’s it. Maybe it’s all I need. I don’t know what life has in store for me beyond July, but I suppose this is what real faith looks like.
I haven’t been posting as often in the last few months, because honestly, I’m just trying to keep myself together and I haven’t felt inspired. Instead, I’ve been spending my energy behind the scenes doing a lot of other things – launching my dream course, revising my service offerings, updating my home page and adding a new shop page, writing a couple of ebooks, and improving my user experience. Mostly just focusing my attention on laying a foundation for growth as I embrace this new path in life.
Many of you have been incredibly supportive of me during this time, and for that I am eternally grateful. I’ve really needed it, and will probably continue to need it for some time. I have given much of my time and energy to this blog over the last three years. Every time someone tells me it’s changed their lives, it reminds me that I’m on the right path, and that’s all the validation I need right now.
I hope all of you will be joining me on this journey to purpose, and continue supporting In My Sacred Space and the work that I do here.