When Purpose Calls

Jun 12, 2017 | Blog, Personal Development, Spirit

Sometimes you feel a stirring in your soul. It’s calling your name and it’s getting louder every day, but you don’t quite know what it is. You feel yourself pulled in a general direction and see yourself being guided to a specific place, but you aren’t sure why. You’re busy dealing with life, after all, and everything that comes with it, so you ignore that strange feeling and attempt to shake it off and go about your day. Until one day, you wake up and suddenly you know that life as you know it is about to change in a very drastic way.

Purpose is calling. It wants you to follow…but following means giving up everything you’ve ever known and the safety and security of what’s comfortable and what feels good, to leap into the unknown. And you don’t know what’s on the other side. You don’t know what it looks like or how it’s going to play out, but you have this driving urge that you need to do it, no matter how much it scares you.

When purpose calls, it asks you to sacrifice. It asks you to stand up and stop being afraid. It asks you to step into your power instead of running from it. Commit. Even when that means breaking prior commitments.

When you ignore it, It gets louder. It demands to be seen, to be brought to fruition. It sits there, beneath the surface, banging on the door, waiting for you to open it and walk through. The universe clears the way, but you must take the first step.

I’ve felt that calling for a while now. I denied it for a long time, and the more I did, the more my heart ached. I wasn’t living my purpose. I wasn’t in alignment. On the outside, it was comfortable, but on the inside…I knew something was off. In order to understand it, I had to dig. I had to do a lot of work on myself. I had to peel away several layers of comfortable denial in order to get to the heart of it. And then one very painful day, I reached the center.

Purpose was calling. And I was afraid… because I didn’t know if I was ready. But there’s no time to wait anymore. Ready or not – if you intend to do this, you must leap. And so I did.

I came to the realization back in February that the life I was currently living didn’t belong to me. It’s hard to explain, but I realized that where I had ended up was the culmination of years of attempting to stay safe and secure, and to make everyone around me happy – everyone except me. I lost so much of myself along the way that when I finally woke up and was able to see it, nothing around me belonged to me. It belonged to the person I had forced myself to become in order to feel accepted.

In that moment, I knew why I’d been feeling a pull to the east coast. I knew why I’d been feeling the need to devote more of my life to my spiritual work. I knew why I’d gone through all of the emotional trials of the last few years. All of it was leading to this. Purpose.

And so it was with a strange mix of emotions – sadness, grief, but also excitement and hope – that I decided I needed to make a major life change. I decided that I was going to leave my life as I knew it and make a move to New York City… and live my purpose. And that meant leaving behind my husband and the family that I’ve come to know and love.

I waited several months before announcing it publicly because we hadn’t told family yet, and I wasn’t sure exactly when I’d be able to go. As of right now, I plan to move in July. I’m apartment hunting as you read this.

The universe cleared the way – my full time job dissolved shortly before I came to the decision. The things that held me in St. Louis fell away, one by one. The door was opened, I just had to take the first step. I have no plan, honestly. I know that focusing on my work here at In My Sacred Space is where my full attention needs to be, and for whatever reason, there’s something in New York that’s important for my work.

All my life, I’ve always admired people who could pack up on a whim and move to a new city with no plan in place and just know that it will work out, but I always said that it could never be me. I could never do that, because I needed safety and security – I needed a plan. I’m a Virgo, after all…. but here I am, a country girl from a rural farming town of 500 people, moving to New York City with nothing but a bunch of bedroom furniture, a website, and enough money in savings to pay my rent for six months…I suppose I’ll figure the rest out when I get there. The universe will provide, so I’ve been told. And if this is really where I’m meant to be, and this is really my purpose, it has to work out. I don’t have any other choice.

I. Am. Terrified. I have approximately one friend, two acquaintances, and a sorority sister from college that I haven’t really spent any time with in 10 years in New York City. That’s it. Maybe it’s all I need. I don’t know what life has in store for me beyond July, but I suppose this is what real faith looks like.

I haven’t been posting as often in the last few months, because honestly, I’m just trying to keep myself together and I haven’t felt inspired. Instead, I’ve been spending my energy behind the scenes doing a lot of other things – launching my dream course, revising my service offerings, updating my home page and adding a new shop page, writing a couple of ebooks, and improving my user experience. Mostly just focusing my attention on laying a foundation for growth as I embrace this new path in life.

Many of you have been incredibly supportive of me during this time, and for that I am eternally grateful. I’ve really needed it, and will probably continue to need it for some time. I have given much of my time and energy to this blog over the last three years. Every time someone tells me it’s changed their lives, it reminds me that I’m on the right path, and that’s all the validation I need right now.

I hope all of you will be joining me on this journey to purpose, and continue supporting In My Sacred Space and the work that I do here.

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10 Comments

  1. Good luck in your new world! It takes a lot of courage to make a major change.

    Reply
    • Thank you 🙂

      Reply
  2. In the Artist’s Way, we are taught two important things:
    1 – Fear is the thief of dreams
    2 – Leap, and the net will appear

    I dropped out of management to be a full time technology analyst and writer five years ago, and it was the best decision of my life. Trust in yourself, and this will be yours.

    I wish you the best in this pursuit, whatever it is. May you find peace and prosperity on your path.

    Michael

    Reply
    • Thank you so much.

      Reply
  3. Wow, this resonates with me so much and I’m inspired by you bravery!

    Reply
    • Thank you 🙂 I woke up this morning with a pretty major anxiety attack looming. Took me a couple of hours to calm down. The rest of the day was good.

      Reply
  4. Ash, I am going through a very similar experience. Currently an Exec in the Oil and Gas business, yet in 12 months time I will walk away from all of it to pursue my new life as a Medium and Spiritual Healer. It is very hard to explain, but when Spirit comes knocking on you door, and you open it, there is no going back.
    The “Awakening” process is in full swing, and you realise that you and 99.9% of the people around you have been, or are, “asleep” all your life so far. You feel as though you want to shout at people to make them wake up and see the physical world for the illusion that it is. Old “friends” leave you ( or you leave them ), what does not serve you, you walk away from. A the current of change just grows an grows and carries you forward.
    All I want to do now is to be of service to others, if all I do is help one person become “alive” and fully realise that they are Spiritual beings incarnate form, and to help them realise what they can become, then my life will have served its purpose.
    Good luck, I hope all goes well for you.

    Reply
    • Thank you.

      Reply
  5. Hi Ash,

    I wish you courage and the strength to keep on following this fascinating and unknown road even though it’s terrifying most of the times.
    I know, I know… Damn I know. And my problem is that I haven’t even found my purpose and completely opened up to my ‘powers’ but I left my family and friends last month to move to a very small village. And oftentimes when my special needs daughter is challenging me again and again and pushing my limits further and further I wonder why I had to move HERE?
    Besides that my husband struggles aswell. Is going through his own proces and underlying that is his spiritual awakening aswell… Though I don’t feel much of it right know.
    Fear, worry and restlessness are at the forefront, but underlying all that… There is faith. Synchonicities. Signs. Gifts. Meeting strong and fascinating new people.
    Now I only need to get myself to understand/ translate my own purpose and what it is calling all the time. What do I need to do here?

    Thank you for your honesty!
    Best wishes
    Nadine

    Reply
    • I always tell people that purpose is more like a theme than a specific thing, and anything you do that fits within that theme will give you a feeling of fulfillment. There’s a formula out there that goes, “Talent + Helping People = Life Purpose.” Helping people doesn’t have to look like Gandhi. It doesn’t have to look be global. It can be as small and simple as helping a neighbor or helping a friend. Talent doesn’t have to look like a pop star or world famous artist. It can be as simple as what you’re good at that brings you joy.

      We often limit ourselves by creating unattainable expectations.

      Reply

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