Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

Do We Manifest Abusive Experiences?

If you’ve been in spiritual circles for any amount of time, you’ve likely heard some form of the idea that we create our reality, and we manifest our experiences, and as such, we must take responsibility for ourselves and our experiences in order to create the outcomes we desire.

This concept becomes dangerously twisted, however, when applied to victims of abuse such as sexual harassment, sexual abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, rape, and systemic oppression. That doesn’t stop many well-meaning spiritual people from using it to dismiss and otherwise invalidate the very real experiences of abuse victims. I’ve come across some form of it a lot over the course of my spiritual development, particularly in the early stages, including touting it as channeled information from spirit guides, etc.

At the time, I wasn’t educated enough on the subject to know better, and I took the word of psychics and channelers. Having had many years to grow in understanding and develop spiritually, I now realize how this is an over-simplification and only serves to damage and shame victims of abuse.

Some of the forms of this message have been:


  • Your souls contracted for this experience.
  • Your thoughts create your reality, therefore, your victim mentality created this situation.
  • There’s an energy exchange between abuser and the abused, and if the abused wasn’t putting out that kind of energy they wouldn’t attract this experience.

I’d like to break each one of these down and explain why this is misunderstood and damaging.

“Your souls contracted for this experience”

If soul contracts in these situations are such a thing, then it is a contract to bring light to these dynamics so that they can be healed and ended. That does not mean that we simply dismiss it as “well, you signed up for this” and forget about it. It means that it’s a contract between all of us on earth–the person observing abusive situations–and the people specifically involved as well, and their dynamic is meant to teach us empathy and what it means to protect the vulnerable, so when someone dismisses abusive situations in this manner, they are not only enabling abusers and hurting victims, they are also engaging in spiritual bypassing by using spirituality to avoid having to feel uncomfortable emotions, which would be the catalyst for empathy.

“Your thoughts create your reality, therefore, your victim mentality created this situation.”

As I’ve said before… a victim mentality only exists when the abuse is imaginary… but even those victim mentalities are often rooted in real trauma and abuse. In that case, we must go back to the source.

A person’s first experience with abuse can never be the result of their own thoughts because the experience has never entered into their awareness. Especially when we are children, we haven’t yet fully developed a sense of self–our brains don’t even finish forming until we’re 25–and we are at the mercy of the adult/child power dynamic. Therefore, any abuse perpetrated on a child by an adult can never be the result of law of attraction. Children don’t have the luxury of making their own decisions, much less forming complex belief systems about being victims. They do, after all, only come to believe they are the source of their abuse after the fact, and as adults, spend years unlearning that shame.

Abusive experiences and patterns are almost always ancestral, handed down from one generation and forcefully inflicted onto the next. By simply incarnating into that ancestral line, one will experience that abuse. This, you might call a soul contract. But soul contracts are not only meant to be experiences, they are meant to be opportunities to heal. As an observer of that contract, you become a part of the collective contract and you are offered an opportunity to heal group karma that enables abusers through rape culture, systemic racism, and other destructive social climates.

By telling someone that they manifested their abuse, you are absolving the abuser of accountability, and thus aiding in the manifestation of that experience by contributing to global karma that perpetuates those experiences.

“There’s an energy exchange between abuser and the abused, and if the the abused wasn’t putting out that kind of energy they wouldn’t attract this experience.”

With regard to there being an energy exchange between abuser and the abused–what this really means is boundaries.

People can only abuse you if you continue to allow it, and often times that requires learning to uphold and maintain healthy boundaries. But many times, power dynamics make upholding boundaries extremely difficult. It’s called abuse because the person or group who has the the most power is using that power to abuse a person or group who has less of it. This, too, is ancestral, because the only way a person or group obtains more power than another is by accumulating it over time (the only exception being a parent/child dynamic in which case it exists from the moment the child is born).

Who allowed that person to accumulate that power, unchecked?

Who continues to enable them to wield that power without consequence?

The answer is the collective. The family members who don’t speak up or step in. The friends who never say anything. The “good” cops who don’t report the bad cops. The people who say “boys will be boys.” The well-to-do family who protects their sons and daughters from the consequences of their actions.

All of the people who see this abuse taking place and say nothing? They are just as responsible, because they allow abusers to avoid being held accountable.

You can’t tell someone that they’ve manifested their own oppression or abuse without pointing the finger at yourself for being a part of the collective that allows it to continue.

So… let’s shut this toxic shit down wherever we see it. Okay?




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Dream Walking

Dream Walking

Dream Walking

The last couple of posts have talked about out of body experiences and astral projection as it pertains to our individual experiences. Today I’m going to talk about something similar but a little bit different – dream walking.

Dream walking is when you enter the dreams of others, or when they enter your dreams. Some may also experience this as a shared dream.

Dream walking can be done lucidly, or not. The only way you would be able to confirm that you’ve done it is if the other person were to share their dreams with you on a regular basis and the two of you can compare notes, but there are some tell-tale signs.

The Dream World

Most of the time we think of dreams as not being “real.” But everything in the universe is made up of energy, including your thoughts and consciousness. In that sense, everything that exists is just as real as anything else – including your dreams. Some might even argue that because your dreams are pure consciousness, and consciousness is the basis of reality, your dreams are actually closer to the original state of “real” than anything in the physical world.

I discussed astral planes and dimensions a bit in my last post, and I also mentioned that your consciousness is multidimensional. What that means is that your consciousness exists in multiple (actually, ALL) planes of existence simultaneously, it’s just that you’re only typically aware of the most immediate one at any given time.

Dreams, meditation, hypnosis, and other tools for altering consciousness allows your conscious mind to experience some of these other dimensions temporarily.

A common misconception many people have is that you experience one dimension at a time and you go from here to there. In reality, it’s a lot more fluid than that – all of them exist together and particularly within dreams, you may experience a mix of elements.

What that means is your experience of those other dimensions is filtered through your current ego consciousness.

Interacting On Different Levels

Just like you can have an OBE and astral project into varying planes of existence and dimensions, you can also interact with other people in those varying levels and planes of existence. It’s just your multidimensional consciousness and their multidimensional consciousness meeting at the same level – or not.

The thing that makes this totally fascinating and confusing at the same time is that neither of you absolutely has to be in the same level to interact. You may interact with them lucidly, but they have no idea and vice versa. Their consciousness may interact with you from a higher level and you remember it and experience it lucidly either in this plane or the next one up, but they don’t. Or you may both experience it and remember it but wake up thinking it was just a dream, and if you never compared notes on those dreams, you’d never know it.

Apparently I have a tendency to show up in people’s dreams and have really deep, meaningful conversations with them that they can’t remember when they wake up. Five people have told me about them so far, I’m sure more of you are out there! (And if you are, I’d love to hear about it! No matter how weird they might sound. No judgement.) I typically don’t remember these, but there was one instance where there was some correlation and I’ll talk about that in the next section.

Shared Dreams
Shared dreams can be just as you’d imagine them to be – two people having the exact same dream, or, two people having the exact same dream featuring each other, or, they can be two people interacting in a dream state, but each of them experiencing and remembering the dream differently.

For example, you may have a shared dream that you are having a conversation with someone, but you only remember your half of the conversation and they only remember their half. Or each of you may see completely different imagery in the dreams, but they will both have the same overarching themes and contain similar information.

I was once working with someone on some intense, prolonged dream interpretation. He was having very vivid dreams about me every night (literally – nine nights in a row and then a few more sporadically after that). Every day, he’d tell me the dream he had the night before and we’d go through the symbolism, and I would compare notes with the dreams I was having.

One night I had a dream that I was having a conversation with him via text message. I could barely remember it, but from what I could recall, I was attempting to explain something to him and make him understand a difficult concept.

The next day, he told me about the dream he had that evening. He was talking to me on the phone and I told him, “Quit wanting the unattainable. Only you know what is attainable and only you can make yourself happy.”

One Level Up

Earlier I mentioned interacting with another person’s consciousness “one level up.” I, obviously, struggled to explain the level of self-awareness that one has in the higher planes in my last post, but this one is a tad easier to describe. I’m not really sure what the proper term for this level is, but you definitely still maintain a sense of your current identity so my assumption is that it is much “closer”, so to speak, to our current level than the other one.

The way I experience this level – and I’ve talked to other people who have had similar experiences – is simply as a void. There’s nothing in it except myself and the other person. It’s just a big, blank black space. I’m always 100% aware of myself and of who the other person is and that we’re interacting, but it doesn’t necessarily occur to me that I’m dreaming. It’s just as “real” as the real world and it feels just as natural that I should be interacting with that person there as it might if I were awake, but there is always a strange sense of surprise because I’m always thinking, “What are you doing here?!”

Other Dream Quirks

Dreams are highly symbolic, so very rarely are the things in them completely literal – not even the people involved. What I’m saying is, you may show up in someone else’s dream as another person and vice versa.

You’ve probably had dreams where you knew who the person was supposed to be, but they didn’t look like themselves, or they were someone else you knew, entirely (I know I have). In those dreams, you were at least semi-aware that it was supposed to be someone else. But you may also have dreams where you aren’t aware of that and it could be someone visiting your dream as someone else. Or even something else – people can show up as animals, too. Or anything, really – it’s the dream world! The sky isn’t even the limit 🙂

Another odd quirk about consciousness… I’ve mentioned in several of my blogs that time is really just a human perception and it doesn’t actually exist. This means that you may have a shared dream with a person, or interact with them via dream state, except you don’t experience it at the same time. You might have the dream tonight, and they may not have it until next week. Time doesn’t matter. Consciousness is al there is, and it’s all very fluid.

I know all of these possibilities can make it difficult to determine what kind of dream it is that you’re having and how you should interpret it, but with a little practice, you can really start digging in and learning a lot. If you’ve got a dream you think you need some help with, I’ve just started offering dream interpretations. Get the details here.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3




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How to Know How Many Past Lives You’ve Had

How to Know How Many Past Lives You’ve Had

How to Know How Many Past Lives You’ve Had

Question from a reader:

“I wanted to know if I had past lives and if so how many?”

Interesting question to ask. Allow me to bend your mind a little bit…

You want to know if you have past lives and if so, how many. Having a life that occurs in the past assumes a certain linearity in the flow of time itself and it assumes that your lives happen in a linear, chronological order and it assumes that there is a beginning to this time and that there is an end to this time.

All of those assumptions hinge on the existence of linear time, but, as I’ve covered a few times before, time as you know it does not exist. It’s an illusion. 

If you click that link, it will take you to one of my older blog posts explaining why and even link you to a video by theoretical physicist (and my nerd crush) Brian Greene explaining the science behind it.

So what are the implications of that on the concept of incarnation? Effectively what it means is that all of your lives–past, present, and future–actually exist in the “now.”  They all exist simultaneously, and instead of thinking of them in terms of where they are in “time” (past/present/future), you could instead think of them in terms of where they are in space-time.

I wrote another post giving a visual example of what simultaneous lives looks like that you can read here.

When you take these things into account, the question of, “Have I had a past life and if so, how many?” becomes null and void. Thinking about it in those linear terms may make it easier to grasp, but it also puts a lot of limitations on your expectations about what your soul is capable of.

Another great post I would refer my readers to, after checking out the two linked above, is this one about spirit communication and reincarnation.

Now to address the question of “How many?” The answer is “All of them.”

If everything and everyone in existence is merely God manifesting itself and we are all “one” at a spiritual and energetic level, then you are everyone and you always have been. Every life that’s ever been lived is your life. And so is everyone else’s.

Hope this was helpful. If it made your brain hurt, then that’s a good thing. It means we’re stretching your mind. 😉




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