This Week I Reintegrated A Past Life Soul Fragment

May 19, 2018 | Metaphysics, My Journey, Psychic Stuff, Reincarnation, Spirit

It’s been an intriguing and emotionally intense week for me. I haven’t written about anything terribly metaphysical in nature in quite some time, but then again, I haven’t had a lot of terribly metaphysical experiences lately… until this past Monday.

I’ve gotten in the daily habit of doing very lengthy meditations the past few weeks, typically an hour to and hour and a half. And as I’ve mentioned in the past here and there, I’ve also been using marijuana to facilitate a more open energetic state. I don’t necessarily need it, but it does get me into alpha state much more quickly and I can reach a pretty deep state of meditation.

I never meditate without intention. It’s not the “clear your mind” sort of goal. I meditate for the expressed purpose of seeking psychic information and to gain understanding around whatever is going on in my life at the moment, and my meditations are never disappointing.

On Monday, I was meditating about something else entirely when I tripped over a past-life land mine. It was shown to me for a reason – it’s very deeply connected to the root of the thing I was meditating on.

I’ve seen and dreamed about dozens of my past lives, and I’ve even done a past life regression with a professional hypnotherapist, but this experience was so much more vivid than any of them. It’s what I expected a past life regression to be like. I experienced the emotion of it like I was there. It felt like a real memory, like it just happened yesterday. In the grand scheme of linear time, I suppose it was like it was yesterday. The life immediately preceding this one, chronologically speaking – World War II.

I was a woman, maybe the same age as I am now or younger, and I was with a man that I loved. I’m talking Nicholas Sparks novel level love. He joined the army at some point and left for Europe. We wrote letters to each other while he was away. He was a Steve Rogers-type who wanted to save the world – I felt a strong sense of nostalgia as that thought surfaced – and that’s what he set off to do…but he never came home.

He died in the war, and she died inside. The horror that he saw there, it broke him into a million pieces. He didn’t want to come home to her like that…but she didn’t know.

Then I saw him standing in front of me in his uniform, and for a moment, I was her. It felt like I was looking at someone who’d been raised from the dead, and all of the grief and the loss and despair welled up inside me and mixed with happiness and love, and I cried for two and a half hours. I went to bed and woke up the next morning and cried some more.

His soul was with her for the rest of her life after he died. She just didn’t know. It’s still with her now.

The weight of it got to me. I started thinking about the war in general and the energetic scar it’s left on earth. Eighty five million people died. Eight five million. Imagine the weight of the collective grief of the wives, children, friends, mothers and fathers of 85 million dead, combined with the violence and trauma of all of those deaths, and the trauma carried by the survivors.

It’s so heavy. And it wasn’t that long ago. That’s how the emotional energy of the whole experience felt – like it was just under the surface of my skin, like I was still there, feeling it. It was so powerful and so heavy that I had to call in sick to work the next day. I couldn’t stop crying. Not just a sort of weepy tear here and there..full on gut-wrenching sobs. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbors could hear me.

Over the next few days, it felt like she was still with me – inside me, as though I had absorbed the frame of mind and emotions of another person. I could see her, seeing him. He was tall and a bit lanky, with dark wavy hair and brown eyes. She was petite with short, reddish brown hair and green eyes – like mine now. I could feel how they felt about one another. They loved each other so much, in such a beautiful way, and they were so happy together. I could feel the way he looked at her and the overwhelming adoration, love, and affection. She was his everything. He was her everything. I could feel her thoughts. I could feel her despair over the loss of him.

She never recovered. She lived the rest of her life – maybe another 20-30 years – lonely with a broken heart, partly because her heart with still with him, and partly because she was too afraid to give it to someone else for fear of feeling that loss all over again. She died in her fifties or sixties.

Soul Fragmentation

I’ve never experienced anything like this before, so I consulted with a few different people to try to get some perspective, mostly because I needed to be a functioning human being again! The general consensus seems to be that I was processing the reintegration of a soul fragment from a past life.

Soul fragments occur during times of extreme trauma. There’s a lot of varying info out there on it from a shamanic perspective, but my personal take is that when a soul experiences unprocessed trauma and the person passes away, the heaviest pieces of that energy stay earthbound, in a sense, thus “fragmenting” the energy from the higher self. It’s never disconnected, but it remains unintegrated and unresolved. Living people might experience these fragments as ghosts and hauntings.

When the soul reincarnates into another lifetime and is attempting to work through similar energetic patterns, they may experience what I’ve been speaking about but without knowing where it’s coming from or why. I believe this is what a lot of psychics and healers label as “entity attachments.” In many instances, these things are viewed as negative and scary, like some rando spirit is out to suck the life out of you. But when you realize they’re actually an aspect of self from a traumatized past life that’s attempting to be integrated and healed, it’s a lot less sensational, and a lot less scary.

So As It Turns Out, I’m A Human Horcrux…

I continued to meditate and work on releasing the emotional energy from that life throughout the week and there were some interesting additional developments. It appeared as though both souls involved here were fragmented. The trauma he experienced in the war was so heavy that it broke off into many heavy fragments. It seems as though the higher self chose to reincarnate in the next lifetime (this time period) and attempt to work through that trauma in a different way.

One fragment, however, remained with her. I don’t know the rhyme or reason behind it, only that somehow it was with her. It felt a bit like she was hanging onto the good part of him as way to counteract her own pain. Since that fragment was never integrated, it stayed with her, and subsequently, with me, but I had no way of knowing that until I became aware of that life.

With that knowledge, I did a meditation to release and return that fragment to it’s rightful owner. I assumed that there would be more release and processing involved afterward. Think of that fragment as being a blockage, like a cork in a bottle. Nothing can get out until it’s removed. So any unhealed trauma that she had related to that attachment would have to be processed as well.

Even the next day, I was still very connected to the grief and sadness, so it seemed as though there was still work to be done, and that work seemed to be around forgiveness. Forgiveness toward him for leaving, forgiveness for self for being angry about it, and forgiveness for himself for the things he did while he was at war. With that in mind, my next meditation revolved around healing and releasing that heaviness. I started crying instantly. I cried again the next morning and true to fashion, that raw, drained feeling you have after a long cry stuck with me until about 3:00 that afternoon.

Soul Retrieval

As I was discussing the situation with a friend earlier that morning, I said, “I keep getting stuck there, in that time, with those feelings. I keep trying to remind myself that he’s not dead.” For whatever reason, that triggered something and an intuitive light bulb went off in my head. I’d given back one soul fragment – the most important one, the one that felt like his heart and all that was good and loving in him. That was her memory of him and it was what she’d been hanging onto all this time – but there were more, and he wouldn’t be complete or able to heal until they’d all been returned. In essence, we had to bring him back from the dead, spiritually speaking.

Soul retrieval is a common shamanic practice which typically involves the shaman going into a deep meditation to retrieve the soul fragment from spirit world, bringing it back to the individual and returning the essence to it’s proper place.

I’d never done this before or even thought much about it, but then again, I’d never done distance healing before, either, and the results were prolific on all occasions, so I’m pretty much down for anything at this point. It all boils down to ritual and intention in the end.

So Friday night, my new spirit passenger and I settled in for a long meditation and a single mission: to find and return the missing pieces of her beau and put Humpty Dumpty back together again. No need for all the kings horses or men, as I’m pretty sure they’re the ones that got us into this mess in the first place. Former selfie and I were Thelma and Louiseing this shit from here on out.

I smoked a bit and settled in for yet another hour and a half meditation, invited home girl step in and off we went to find the love of her life. I’ve done this enough now to know how to just sit back and observe the visuals that come forward. You let them lead you instead of trying to force it to go where you want. Visually, I saw what looked like hundreds of shards of glass from a broken mirror pulling together to create a human visage. Slowly, that visage shifted into an image of him, and once again, I was her, looking through her eyes at him and feeling what she felt. There was so much relief, so much love. I started crying again. It was a homecoming, and that’s how it felt. She was his home. He was hers.

And as I saw this and felt this, a song popped into my head:

Hozier – Work Song
Boys workin’ on empty
Is that the kind’a way to face the burning heat?
I just think about my baby
I’m so full of love I could barely eat
There’s nothing sweeter than my baby
I’d never want once from the cherry tree
‘Cause my baby’s sweet as can be
She give me toothaches just from kissin’ me

When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I’ll crawl home to her

Boys when my baby found me
I was three days on a drunken sin
I woke with her walls around me
Nothin’ in her room but an empty crib
And I was burnin’ up a fever
I didn’t care much how long I lived
But I swear I thought I dreamed her
She never asked me once about the wrong I did

When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I’ll crawl home to her

When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I’ll crawl home to her

My baby never fret none
About what my hands and my body done
If the lord don’t forgive me
I’d still have my baby and my babe would have me
When I was kissing on my baby
And she put her love down soft and sweet
In the lowland plot I was free
Heaven and hell were words to me

When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I’ll crawl home to her

When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I’ll crawl home to her

Messages through songs are common to me. I typically wake up with a song in my head most days. Sometimes songs I’ve never heard before, and sometimes songs that don’t exist. This one, as many of them are, was perfect.

I saw her look at me and say, “Thank you.” It was so emotional, but in such a good way this time.

I can’t say with 100% certainty, but I think it’s highly possible that this life is where my abandonment issues stem from. The sudden death of the love of your life can create a lot of loneliness and resentment, particularly when he chooses, of his own volition, to leave you and run head long into a situation that promises a high likelihood of death. I can’t imagine the kind of fear and anxiety she lived with for however long he was gone, the relief she must have felt each time she received a new letter from him, or the sinking feeling of impending doom when they stopped coming. But the other thing that he showed me which she didn’t know, was that he didn’t just go to war to save the world. He went to war to save her. He was afraid of what would happen if and when the war came knocking on their doorstep, and rather than watch it lay waste to all that he loved, he chose to do all that was humanly possible to protect it. He sacrificed his own humanity, and ultimately, his life for it. That was his frame of mind.

And it’s funny, because as I’m writing this last bit, “I Bet My Life” by Imagine Dragons is playing. Check out the lyrics by clicking on the link. They’re fitting.

Goddamnit. I’m crying again.

 

 

 


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My first reaction to the reading was WOW. Your words captured a theme woven into my life right now. The reading has emboldened me to take back my power and inspired me to research some books, get back to meditating and provided a focus.

Dina

New York

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