Spiritual Loneliness

Question from a reader:

“I love reading your stuff, finally I feel like things I have always known deep inside are the truth.


I feel like my perception of my/the world has changed so much over the past four years due to this spiritual development. However, I feel as if I’m the only one in my family and friends to get this, so I feel quite alone and many of my friends I cannot be around now as our worlds are so different….


How do you break away from them without it seeming odd and mean and how will I find people on my wavelength?”

I‘m so happy that the things I write about resonate with you. 🙂 And resonance is something we’ll talk about today, right along with wavelength.

I know exactly how you feel because I used to feel that way, too. I wrote about that a bit a couple of years ago in my post about coming out of the psychic closet. In the beginning of our spiritual journeys, we are often quite alone in the physical world when it comes to the beliefs we have. It can feel incredibly isolating to start reading about this stuff and then experiencing it first hand and having no one to talk about it with. And then the moment when you try to bring it up, everyone immediately attempts to shut you down, make fun of you, treat you like you’re stupid, or question your sanity.

In some ways, I think it’s the first test for all of us to see if we’re really serious about exploring our spirituality. Are we willing to move forward, despite how the world may treat us?

I’ve met so many people who feel the same way you do (and the way I did). And even though I’ve grown much more secure in my own beliefs and no longer have the need to feel validation from people in my life, it can still feel really isolating and frustrating at times to be able to see the world in such a way and look around you at the vast majority of people who just don’t get it. But I suppose that’s the way it is for people who are clearing the way for the world to change. If they realized they needed to, they’d have done it by now. So it’s up to us to show them the way–not by forcing it on them, just by doing our own thing and fully embodying the path that we’re on.

It’s really hard sometimes to focus on ourselves, but in this case, it can be the best thing to do.

It isn’t uncommon for those of us on our spiritual journey to change quite a bit, to the point where the people around us not longer resonate with us. And this is natural. You’re healing your shit and expanding your awareness and so the things and people that you once thought were on your level are no longer. They will naturally fall away if you allow them to.

I want to be clear about what I’m saying here: one does not become “spiritual” or “raise their vibration” or “expand their awareness” simply by believing in spirits and vibrations and metaphysics. One raises their vibration by becoming more in alignment with higher consciousness and doing the internal work to heal and then live and embody that awareness in all ways.

Learn more about what it means to do the internal work.

As such, there is absolutely no need to believe in spirit guides, an afterlife, reincarnation or any other metaphysical concept. You can do that through whichever spiritual path you choose, be it religion, atheism, philosophy or something else. All of those things can inherently have spirituality at their core.

So don’t go abandoning friends and family members simply because they don’t believe the same things you do. And when I say that people will naturally fall away, the ones that i’m referring to are the people who are not yet ready to embody awareness in the ways you need.

As you grow, spiritually, you won’t need to worry about ending those relationships, they have a way of falling to the wayside of their own accord when the time is right. If it happens to be a toxic relationship, then perhaps you ought to have let that one go a long time ago! But now that you’re finding more love for yourself and understanding what is best for you and how to set boundaries, you can see the need to let that relationship go, however you choose to do it.

You will soon discover that you have no need to go looking for people on your wavelength. They will find you.

My friend Meghan came to visit me all the way from Massachusetts and we went to a biker bar out in the middle of nowhere, Missouri, and happened to bump into the two guys there who wanted to talk about quantum physics and enlightenment. lol We didn’t go looking for them. It just happened.

I find myself overhearing people all the time now when I’m out and about discussing metaphysical concepts or their experiences with ayahuasca.

I started a new job about a year ago and recently discovered that two of my coworkers there are also down with the metaphysics. We didn’t have to go looking for each other, we ended up together by pure coincidence… or law of attraction. However you want to look at it. My best friend and even some of my family members have also become much more open to it than what they were initially.

The more we normalize it as a society, the more accepting people will become. And for you, right now, that means simply normalizing it for yourself. Don’t worry about anybody else.

Finding Community

Having an outlet to talk with like-minded people is incredibly validating and liberating. I took a psychic development class and began attending local metaphysical events and started meeting like-minded people locally that way, some of whom have become very dear friends. I also joined discussion groups on Facebook and made a ton of like-minded friends from all across the country: San Diego, Portland, Washington D.C., Massachusetts, Nebraska, Georgia, Oklahoma and more.

That being said, I must leave a word of caution about looking for community, online or in person.

When you’re new to spirituality, because you don’t know a lot, and you’re looking for a sense of belonging, it makes you incredibly vulnerable to people who would prey on that. The spiritual community is rife with narcissistic manipulators, shallow influencers, and even more sinister people than that. You must employ a great amount of skepticism and discernment when it comes to who you share your energy with. If you feel in your gut like something is off but you can’t quite put your finger on it, LISTEN TO IT. That’s your spidey sense trying to alert you to a red flag.

Here are some resources to help you polish your discernment skills:

5 toxic spiritual people to avoid and how to spot them.
How to spot spiritual abuse.
How to identify a spiritually immature wellness or spirituality influencer.

That’s also why I created my Facebook group [<—- click to join]–to give like-minded individuals a safe place to convene and talk about their experiences, ask questions, and seek guidance in a spiritually grounded, trauma-informed environment. The group is private, so none of the activity that happens there will show up in anyone’s newsfeed other than people who are already members. If you haven’t joined yet, please do! And feel free to introduce yourself and post about anything spirituality related that you’d like to discuss!




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  1. I’m going through the same thing! I’m so glad your reader posted this question.
    Thank you, Ash, for your awesome response. I’m so glad I found your site!

    • Happy to have you here!

  2. I loved this one! I really struggle with a friend that I want to release because I feel toxic when I hear from her/think about her. I think I struggle because I know it’s time to move on and I feel stuck with her (at this time).
    I liked your recommendation to: “If there are people that you feel you are ready to let go, simply set an intention to do so, with love. Wish them well in your heart and move down your own path. If want to join you on that path, they will catch up when their time is right.”

    Thank you for those lines. They were helpful and now I can release without feeling negative about it or guilty!


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