Things You Never Knew About Me
I’m calling a Core Alignment Mentorship Program (shout out to Vanessa Lionne Stewart for coming up with that phrase). I’ve written many times that love is what we are and love is all there is, but when we come here, we forget who we really are and that’s what allows all of these negative beliefs to creep in. The process of enlightenment is one of personal development.
Certainly you’ve heard teachers like Teal Swan and Abraham Hicks speak of the concept of alignment. Essentially, all this means is that we are getting into alignment with our true self, our highest self, the self that is who we really are – the one we forgot. The one that is love.
So with every negative, self-defeating belief that we shed, we come one step closer to that alignment, closer to our core self, and closer to living a life that is full of creative possibility instead of defeat.
I realized, as I was writing some copy for the page on my website, that I’d never really shared with you my own story of how I did this – hell, how I’m STILL doing it (it is a life-long process, after all).
In 2006, I had just graduated from college and moved to a new city. I hated myself. I hated my body. I had no vision for my future and the things I was running away from were what dictated my path forward. What served to create that situation is a long one for another time, needless to say it involved a man, a broken heart, and a few toxic people.
I didn’t want to live in St. Louis, but I took the first job I could get which paid me a ridiculously low salary. I lived in an 80-year-old farm house provided by my employer that was falling apart and I’m fairly certain the previous occupant had been cooking meth in it.
I starved myself, both because I hated my body and also because I couldn’t afford more than a $35 food budget each week, anyway. I slept at least 13 hours a day. There wasn’t much to do when I wasn’t working, anyway. I didn’t have the internet, I didn’t have any friends or pets in this new city, and I didn’t have cable television so the only form of television I had was what the bunny ears on my 19 inch tv could pick up.
I never bothered to put my bed together because I hadn’t planned to live in this place very long, so I slept on a mattress on the floor. I lived there for five months before I found a potential roommate to move into a half way decent apartment with. During the dead of winter – literally right around the solstice, the shortest days of the year with the least amount of sunlight – my land lord decided he’d work on the wiring. He turned the electricity back on, but neglected to hook up any of the ceiling lights, and so for the last two weeks I lived in this hell hole, I literally walked around in the dark, carrying the only lamp I owned throughout the house on an extension cord so I could see where I was going.
It was a dark night of the soul, figuratively and literally. Talk about manifesting your inner-feelings. It was a time in my life where I wasn’t going after what I really wanted, I was merely settling for something – ANYTHING – that was better than what I didn’t want.
That was a pattern that continued for ten years. It took me a long time and a lot of self-reflection to come to an awareness of myself and my own very low self esteem. I was the kind of person who put up a strong front, mostly because I wasn’t acknowledging my own insecurities and pain.
I didn’t truly start to understand myself until I found spirituality and learned how to use my own intuition for self-guidance – seeing the meaning behind the things that were being shown to me in dreams, understanding where my negative beliefs came from, using intention to release negative energy and manifestation to create what I DID want.
I’m still learning and I’m still growing and I fully acknowledge that it is a process that is unending, but I know that I have learned enough to help those who need guidance and are open to asking for it. The program that I’ve put together incorporates everything that I learned on my own, every tool that I tested and every ounce of personal experience I’ve acquired.
So if you’ve found yourself in the position of being ready to move forward with your life in a more positive fashion, if you’re ready for a transformation and you are truly dedicated to taking an inventory of yourself and purging the parts that are holding you back, but you’re not quite sure where or how to start – I hope you’ll consider applying to be a part of this.
Core Alignment Mentorship Program
Learn more about the program, how it works, what to expect and how you can work with me.