Life is Regulating
I don’t think I could have found a better situation. I’m sure there will be some bullshit to deal with, as there always is, but as long as it’s not a toxic environment and I’m not being emotionally abused or sexually harassed, I think I’ll be able to handle it.
Strange how you put out an intention for a really specific thing, and then the universe just brings it to you. lol I mean, yes, I applied for 28 jobs and heard back from none of them. And this one was brought to me through a recruiter. It was the only one I received an interview for. I could sit and dwell on the feelings of failure that I couldn’t get an interview at any of the other 28, or I could realize that the U was making it really fucking obvious that THIS was the thing I was asking for, therefore, it was going to be the only thing that was made available. No room to feel confused around that.
I’m going back to business casual for the first time in four years, but as I discovered while buying work clothes, there’ve been a lot of advances in the comfort level of dress pants over the years. lol They’re like yoga pants, but they look like dress pants. I can deal with this.
A great deal of stress has been unloaded. I can feel secure again, on a very basic level. And I’m going to have more income than I’ve ever had in my entire life, by far. I’ve mentioned before that I cashed out my life’s savings (which wasn’t much, to be honest) to make this move, and I should be able to recoup that within a year.
I’m ready to take a brain break for a while. I’ve (of course) suddenly gotten around six inquiries about building websites, when I hadn’t gotten a single one since February. I plan to follow through with the ones who’ve already signed their proposals, but I want to get them done quickly so I have another thing off of my plate. It’s good extra cash, but I don’t want to expend any more energy on it. To put it in the same terms as my friend Teresa expressed it to me, “You spend a lot of energy and time helping other people make their dreams come true. You need to start spending that energy and time making your own come true.” That. That’s what I want.
What is that dream? I’m not totally sure yet, but I intend to give myself the time to explore it and figure it out, and in order to do that, I need to get all of the background junk out of the way. I just removed the “business” link from this website and am about to change my other website to refer to another designer. That feels like a relief. I think I’m just tired of juggling so many things. I’m in a simplification process, as far as my life and career go. It’s one thing if you’re an entrepreneur and you’re passionate about the thing that you’re doing, it’s another if it’s just a job. And that’s all it was for me. I need to pair it all down so I can put all of that energy into the thing that I’m passionate about.
Speaking of… I may use that free masters degree offer and get one in psychology or sociology, just to give myself some more credibility.
My posts here may become a little more sporadic over the next few months while I get things figured out. I’ll write when I feel inspired. In the meantime, I may do that thing where I send you links to some of my favorite archived posts, because I know there’s a lot of you who weren’t around 2-3 years ago (you’ve missed out on some good material!).
I have a handful of Q&As I need to get to, as well. I may be removing those in the near future, as they’re not as popular as they used to be and everyone advises me that I’m giving away too much for free!
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