I Have Arrived

Ifinally got my moving container on Thursday after a ridiculous experience with PODS. I’m crossing my fingers that they’re going to pay for the $600 in additional expenses incurred and refund me something for the mental anguish I endured at the hands of their customer service department.

After being in pure survival mode for a week (I even cut myself on a kitchen knife and had to get three stitches), I wasn’t able to really process any of the myriad of emotions I was experiencing. Finally, yesterday, after getting everything squared away, it all sort of hit me at once and I stayed holed up in my room and cried most of the afternoon. And I cried again some more this morning. There’s a lot of things all hitting me at once.

I posted on Facebook one day last week about the coming timeline shift in August, and it was also part of my discussion with Susan Grace a couple of weeks ago in our video chat.

In that post, I said:

“It’s going to be like a wild animal that’s lived it’s whole life in a cage, suddenly having the door opened, and it’s afraid to step outside. But it’s being forced to go. It’s going to be scared for a little while because the environment – FREEDOM – is unfamiliar. The cage feels safe at that point. It wants to go back in… but it can’t. So there’s a short period of a few minutes where it paces around, freaks out, and doesn’t know what to do…. then it adjusts and runs off into the sunset. Free.”

That brief moment, when the rest of the world is freaking out about what to do and thinks the world is ending because the cage is gone – that’s where we all come in. We’re here to let them know that we don’t need the cage. We don’t need patriarchy. Everything is going to be ok. You’re free.”

I’m having that moment right now, myself. I’m suddenly in a new place where I don’t know anyone, and I’m alone with no security blanket and I’m freaking out. I keep thinking that maybe I made a mistake. I miss home. I miss my husband. I miss all the good things. I haven’t adjusted yet. I haven’t processed all of the letting go yet.

I know things will get better when I start to meet people and make friends. I won’t feel so alone. I have to keep reminding myself that the universe put me here for a reason, and it will take care of me. It’s done it before.

I was freaking out, internally, even as I was unpacking. And then I pulled this picture frame out of a plastic bag.

That was the insert that came with it. I decided to leave it there, just for a while. Just as a reminder.

I don’t know how I’m going to be feeling the rest of the week or if I’ll be able to push out another blog post. If not, you’ll hear from me on Monday. But in between, you can always find me in my Facebook group.

Xo,

Ash

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