Alice in Wonderland

Every adventure requires a first step.- The Cheshire Cat

I guess I’m going through some major energetic and psychological adjustments. I mean, that’s to be expected when you basically chuck your life as you know it into the fuck it bucket and completely start over, but the last few days I have felt very bizarre. Life doesn’t feel real. That feeling comes and goes, but it lingers a lot longer than it ever used to.

I think the biggest thing that’s throwing me for a loop is just not knowing… anything. For the last seven years of my life, I’ve known exactly what to expect from day to day and for a Virgo like me, that sort of stability is what keeps me sane. But now? I’m just treading water. There’s also this element of having worked toward this thing for the last six months (moving) and now that I’m here, I’m like, “Now what?”

Everyone I talk to tells me how brave they think I am, how they wish they had the balls to do the same thing. I’m not going to lie, and I never have when talking about this – it was scary as fuck. It’s still scary, sometimes. But mostly, right now, it just feels strange. Strange in a good way.

I keep telling people I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Everything is new and different. I feel new and different. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel like I’m free again – maybe a little too free for my Virgoan taste. It’s strange being around people who not only know nothing about me, but have no context about where I came from. It almost makes me laugh a little, because I think I may be being underestimated, just a tad.

In a lot of ways, this place is the total opposite of what I’ve known my entire life. And I like it. It’s just all so new and so strange. I suppose I’ll adjust at some point. In the meantime, I’ll just keep feeling like Alice.

Side note: I’m recording a podcast interview with Slade Roberson of Shift Your Spirits this Friday! Keep your eyes peeled for when it’s posted.

Question from a reader:

“I have recently started wanting to know my spirit guide(s). Whenever I listen to meditation tapes to do that, I am able to relax fully and become open but I also become quite cold. I am currently in a hot climate and even when I listen under a duvet I still become cold. Do you know why?”

Ahat’s interesting. I know certain metaphysical activities definitely have an effect on my own body temperature. I did a past life regression hypnosis session a while back (you can read about it here) and during that experience, I had the opposite thing happen. I got really hot. It was almost like energy was moving through my body, like an electrical conduit and I got very warm.


Afterward, I almost felt like I had a hangover. My head was swimmy and I got a massive headache. But baby did I sleep well for the rest of the week…

I’ll admit it – I know a lot of shit. Sometimes things just come out of my mouth that I didn’t even know I knew, but I don’t know the definitive answer to your question. I can hypothesize, though.

Part of me wonders if somehow when you’re opening up, you’re not maintaining your own energy and it’s being diluted, and you feel that as a cold sensation. Try setting an intention to retain that while you’re going through your typical ritual and see if it helps at all.



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1 Comment

  1. Ash… back in 1994, a talk therapist helped me change my life when she posed this question to me at the end of a session. The question was one I was to answer at my next month appt. “HOW are your fears preventing your forward progress”? I came back next month and responded…. “It’s ONLY fear keeping me married to him”. It was time to move on.
    BIG kudos to you in making the LIFE MOVE that you have !!!!


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